The bottle is still spinning but at a slower pace (Part 2)

#endfemicideKe 

In the famous words of the great Wahu, I am a liarrr.

What was I gonna do? I was meant to finish this story last week, but I didn't. That's the thing about breaking a story. You have to go back and read part I and honestly, I don't like reading back my stories. It just feels...... weird? . But, of course I'm Kenyan, I have to serve my two terms. Plus you guys have been harassing me (only two people). Word to Usher, these are my confessions part II. 

Where were we? Ah yes 

Fibroids....

After the diagnosis, I'd been taking herbal meds and was exercising, doing yoga, and for like 2 years, they didn't grow, (the fibroids) Then I fell off that bandwagon. I take full accountability. I went back to my one true love ; fries! I stopped working out, stopped yoga. So towards the end of last year, my stomach started appearing bigger. (Wanasema mi mimba kumbe lifestyle! No?) In December, one day after church, my mum looked at my tummy, then at me with sorry eyes and said "mama we need to go back to the doctors" 

So in the beginning of this year, she took me to get an ultrasound. I'll tell you what, after being an adult for so long and having to go to the hospital most times alone, it felt good going with my mummy. Only that I still have to speak for myself and tell the symptoms myself. That part of growing up is a scam, because doctors don't even touch your head nowadays to feel for a fever. (I didn't have a fever or a headache for that matter) 

Anyway, so si I go in for the ultrasound. The guy applies the cream on me then does his thing. Then he turns the screen to me and shows me how big the fibroids are. Largest one measuring 14cm. I ask him a few questions and I can hear my voice sounding nervous. He answers me and at the end, tells me "utakuwa sawa". Cool. I wipe myself then when I jump off the bed, tell me why this man leans in and hugs me and reaffirms me that "utakuwa sawa" and dashes out of the room. lol. That was the most awkward hug I've received this year. 1. It caught me off guard and 2. Left me with so many questions. Okay 2 questions :

a.) What in the unprofessionalism?

b.) Is this guy an empath? Yaani he's really hurumiad me? Why? Kwani he's never seen anything like my case? 

Doctor recommends surgery, so that happens next year because..... insurance....

Anyway, in the car on the way home, I told my mum how that guy hugged me and she only had one question: 

a.) What in the unprofessionalism?

As I wait for next year, I get the opportunity to get back to the lifestyle! Connect with my body through yoga and exercise? Get back to my herbs. You guys remember Dr Murugu herbal clinic? That's our kitchen now. 

Solo Dates

When you see them on social media, or read about them they look and sound so magical, it appears that guys having a really nice time. It's like they receive grand revelations during this time. Si even Moses received the 10 commandments during his solo hike in the mountain? (Come to think of it, hiking those days was brave! Those guys for sure didn't have the hiking shoes available today and those bags that have that pipe for water. Now Moses had to hike solo! With his akalas I'm guessing, but it seems that those days that was the lifestyle! I digress. I hiked once in my 20s and I doubt I'm going to hike again in my 30s, even with 1 thousand men beside me.) 

These solo dates, it's people enjoying their own company. Or so I thought... The more I went on them, I realized you know what? Sometimes they're boring... AF... This one Sunday, I went for one to Zucchini at the General Mathenge one. I was trying to read my book but wasn't paying much attention to it. When I saw that some of my friends were at Geco, I almost run out of that place. The bill wasn't being brought fast enough, the Uber wasn't arriving quick enough. Heh. I was so happy to be outta there, to go and join their wonderful company. 

More often than not though, I have a good time, especially at music gigs. I sometimes make friends and I also do my favorite thing : people watch. (That just makes me sound like a stalker sindio?) 

Despite some of them being boring, here's to more solo dates and solo adventures in my 30s. 

The breakfast club

2019 was such a tough year for me, I'd just left my sales job and was trying to get back to baking. My orders were far and wide, but it's during that time that I discovered the breakfast club. This particular segment called 'donkey of the day' got me hooked. I was both intrigued and amused with Charlamagne, so I bought his book 'Shook One' and surprisingly, I found great comfort in it. The story of his life is very compelling. Granted, he can be an a**hole, he's one of those polarizing people. Kwanza this new year he's sounding angry a lot of the times but one thing I'll never take away from him is his funny. Most of the time when listening to him, I'm either cracking up or just entirely disagreeing with his train of thought. 

Needless to say, it's been a great source of my entertainment. Their interviews... donkey of the day... rumor report. So I'm glad I discovered the breakfast club. Right now it sounds like there's a lot going on there so I wonder, eh I wanda if it'll last another decade. I doubt it.

This is also an appreciation for all the podcasts that continue to thoroughly entertain me. Shourourt to the Mic Cheque podcast.   

My girls my girls my girls

To be seen, heard, loved, accepted, laughed at and reminded of all the embarrassing things ever said or done. I can't for the life of me, imagine having to navigate the 20s without them. From sharing 1 nouba, the lipstick, to sharing our lives. Here's to us navigating our 30s together my girls ❤️

Honda

You guys know the adventures I've been on with Honda. I gained confidence (or lack thereof) on the road through her. I'm grateful to my mum my mum my mum for handing her to me. Writing that has made me emotional because ... my mum (I'm also on my period so ...) That being said, I think my journey with her (Honda) came to an end. It was always something with her and ever since I took a break from our relationship, I'm a lighter human being. I don't have to worry about sijui tie rods then wheel aligning or is it wheel balancing? My cortisol levels have significantly reduced.  Guys are like "wow, you're glowing" and I'm like "yeah, I'm not with Honda anymore". For sure the 30s is where I get a new car.

Otherwise, who wants to buy a car? Forget all the bad things I've ever said about Honda, she has a strong engine. She has a good heart. 

Food

*Sigh* you guys will blame it on me being Luhya, sawa. But you can't deny the art that food is.. The colors, the smells the textures.... God really snapped when he invented food on day 3 for plants and day 6 for land creatures. The excitement of recreating a recipe will never die on me. Or the excitement of a food order or being invited to places where there's good food, or going on a date to eat a specific food! Personally, I live to eat. I'm a certified foodie girl. This certainly doesn't change in my 30s.

God

Grateful to Him for always holding me down. 

Family

For always holding me down as well and being there. I also gained 2 beautiful sissys, and two beautiful nephews. 

Friends 

The rest hahahaha. I'm joking! A joke that might backfire on me. For real I don't consider you guys the rest. It's just funny how it's here at the end. I'm really truly grateful for all the friendships I've gained, fostered and maintained. Looking forward to still gaining new friends, and fostering the ones I have. Grateful for all the fun times and deep meaningful conversations we have and how we change each other's lives. Hi Gaps. Hi Shmoops, hi ALL my friends! 

***

This was supposed to be a post about the things that stood out to me in my 20s, but the more I write, the more I feel ni kama it's a speeeech, ile ya kuwaaacha lol. So I'll just end it here. 

*Thanks to all the hustlers and most importantly you, the customer reader*

Here's to finding our true north and for those of you who are there, here's to thriving in it. 

Gwaheri

#endfemicideKe

The bottle is still spinning but at a slower pace (part 1)

Undertaker rising in the ring!!! Did you guys watch wrestling while growing up? That was one of my favorite things to do with my brothers... There were usually times when undertaker would be taken down by his opponent, then he'd lay on the floor for a few seconds then all of a sudden, dramatically rise to sit. Epic scenes!!!! And scary if I'm being honest. I used to hope that I wouldn't find him lying under my bed. But no one was scarier than Cane, his brother especially when he had his mask on.... Anyway, all this to say, I'm baaaaaaaack! Undertaker style.

Gosh I've really missed expressing myself on here and engaging with y'all. Happy New Year guys. I hope it's started on a positive and optimistic note. And if not, I hope it gets better as the days go by...

*****

A couple of years back, I was scrolling through Bikozulu's blog and came across this in his comment section. Someone had asked him what he remembered about being 28 and this was his response. 

"28? Wow. I remember confusion, insecurities that came in waves and fear of time running out before I made something of my life. Generally, in your 20s you should stay in that rocky boat, it’s important that you weather that shit. Because it will be okay, eventually even though it doesn’t seem so then. So my 20s I was a spinning Coke bottle which finally stopped spinning in my early 30s and pointed towards my true north. " 

If that hasn't been the story of my entire 20's!!! Yo! That boat has been rooocky. So, after attending his Masterclass, I Whatsapped him that and told him how profound those words were. He told me I owe him a bottle and then I found out that his boti of preference is 7 thousand... Err..... 

Anyway, I turned 30 on exactly 29th December. Finally out of my 20s. My coke bottle is still spinning, but thankfully at a much slower pace. 

***

Here are things I remember about my 20s

****

Career/Purpose

I knew I wanted to be a journalist, tell stories to change the world etc. So when it was time to join Uni, I was sure that's what I was going to do, but my father said not on his watch, so I ended up doing Economics and that was the beginning of confusion in that area of my life. I think I've told this story before, of how I barely paid attention in class. Barely. At the end of my course, I knew for sure that I didn't want to be an Economist or practice Economic related things. I knew I didn't want to work in the top 5 audit companies, I knew I didn't want to work in government or the UN. Basically, I just knew all the things I didn't want to do. Unluckily, I still didn't know what I wanted to do. I'd given up on journalism, didn't want to go back to school. I was so over classes and the whole school routine.

Then I baked my graduation cake and from then on, I started selling cakes and cupcakes for money. I did that for a while and at that time, I was still a beginner, learning everything on YouTube so my skills were B for Basic. Needless to say, it wasn't bringing in good money, so I went ahead and got a job as a sales person. I did that for almost 2 years then I returned to baking. It's what I still knew plus I had the equipment... 

Since then, the learning curve has been steeper, I very slowly improved my skills while at the same time wondered why it wasn't bringing me so much joy. This is a story for another day, but in summary, now, 5 years later, is when I'm learning exactly what I enjoy baking and what sort of direction I'd like to steer/ pivot to when it comes to the business of it. So help me Oh God. 

Writing 

I vividly remember being called in the English teacher's office in class 8, with a few other classmates, to be told that our compositions are good and we should keep it up. In highschool, I enjoyed sending letters to people at home and in other schools. I didn't know it then, but that was story telling. In Uni, I started a blog but deleted it shortly after. I discovered candy crush for my mental health haha. (Anyone else still addicted to this? Because I still am. Shourourt to the creators) I still always enjoyed reading stories, especially those told in a raw and emotional manner or in a poetic way. Or just in a funny way. Then I discovered YouTube and got distracted from reading and writing. 

Last year but one, I applied for some WFH internship that needed a storyteller for marketing. They selected me and after 3 months paid me all of my $100. That time the exchange rate was 120/= for a dollar. Believe it or not, receiving that 12k re-ignited my passion for writing/story telling. So last year I took the writing Masterclass and knew for sure I wanted to get back to writing. Shourourt to my friend Bosi who encouraged me to publish my work publicly. Writing allows me to express myself creatively and many times, it feels cathartic. I'm still not sure of where exactly it's going to lead me. But I hope to write at least one book, Inshallah. And for now, I'm grateful that I re l-started this blog and share my thoughts/feeling. It sometimes feel vulnerable in a way I don't like or rather in a way I'm not used to, but it is what it is. In the next 70 years we all won't be here so really, it is what it is. 

Heartbreak ya kimataifa 

At around 23/24, I met this guy and the chemistry was off the chain. We connected on all levels. Our sense of humor was alike so many times, we started our phone calls just laughing. Shortly after, we were in a monogamous relationship. Life was good. I felt heard and accepted and was always motivated to be a better person. You know, just all the good things that come with a healthy relationship. We did this for almost 1 and a half years. We did have many many disagreements but we would get back on the same page or agree to disagree quickly. Then slowly, over time, my guy started to lose interest in me. He didn't really want to hang out, he was always tired, didn't really bother to ask me how my day was and that was the most heartbreaking period for me. As you may have guessed, he'd found another lady yet still hadn't let me go. I remember at this time, crying in a shuttle on my way to Kakamega. Oh my goodness. By the time I fikad Kaks, my eyes were so swollen and so red. My mum was like "oh no, what's wrong?" And because you know, in an African household you don't want to ever admit that heartbreak is twanging you, I lied to her, told her that I missed my late Uncle. I cried almost everyday since then for like 3 months. Anyway, we finally broke up, it was a painful and sometimes unsure process. 

Interestingly, I don't one bit regret that relationship. I learnt so much especially about the things I value most in a union. We had fun, a lot of it, especially in the mundane.

Ever since then, the end of consecutive relationships and/or situationships lol have sometimes been a bit sad, but not as heartbreaking as that one. I'm also never scared to let things go especially when they stop serving a healthy purpose. I'm happy to report I haven't cried in a shuttle since....

Fibroids 

In class 7, as we were alighting the bus to go for sport's day, a guy called Musau called me to the back of the bus and graciously told me that I'd stained my skirt. He then helped me tie my sweater around my waist and escorted me to the nearest lady teacher. Bless his heart. Since then, I always made sure that I didn't stain myself during my monthly period. I was extra careful and paranoid. Until 2019, when I just wouldn't seem to contain it. I remember the day Kipchoge won the INEOS 1:59 challenge vividly because I was at a wedding and Marathon runner was playing in the corridors as I headed to the toilet to clean myself. That's how I knew he'd won....

In 2020, during a girl's trip to Naivasha, it was days after my period but I was still experiencing stomach cramps. I folded myself on the whole journey there. I couldn't even enjoy my time during that stay because my tummy just wouldn't stop hurting. I remember my girls dancing to "Koroba" and me just watching them feeling pain. 

When I came back from that trip, that's when I discovered I had fibroids. But they weren't that big, so I could live with them and manage the symptoms and get on iron pills...  

*** 

While in Mombasa last year during another girl's trip, a watchie lady at the entrance of the mall stopped me and asked me "weh madam, we mja mzito?" I knew she felt them (the fibroids) so to cut the long story short, I just told her "eeeeh" then she said "ah basi umefanya makosa, sifai kupitisha hii kidude" that metal detector thingy of theirs. I said "ooooh, oops" ..... 

Guys, you won't believe it, but I have to continue this story next week. I haven't written prose like this in a while and for now, naenda jinsi nilivyokuja, kisa na maana, nimeboeka, Gwaheri....

Part II coming next week....