I had written the soppiest story about my small brother. About how when he was born, I was 5 years old, and I couldn’t wait to get back home from school just to see the baby.
Little did I know that that baby would end up being one of my best friends in the entire world to this day! So I wrote of how our relationship had evolved.
It got so soppy that at some point while writing it, I even shed two tears. I decided against posting it… but maybe I will someday. Because if I’m being honest, the majority of our relationship isn’t soft-soft like that. It’s banter, tough conversations, bickering, and then more banter. Not sop sopness lol.
Anyway, after 26 years of living together, my bestie moved out a couple of months ago. I had already started processing the sadness before he left, but I was not prepared for how bored I’d be.
To cope (because you have to cope lol), I’ve realized I now spend more time when I go out to the shops.
So I’d like to introduce you to...... the new men in my life. And yes, ranked in order of favourites lol.
1. Bena (Ben)
He works at the chips shop just outside the estate. He’s a mkao, you don’t even need to be told once he speaks. He’s basically the boss after the boss there. (Si you just know kaos hehe) If you need food delivered to your house, Ben is your guy. He will make things happen. Before you disconnect the phone, someone will already be at the gate with your order. Important to note as well is that he's married. I know this because his wife is on his Truecaller profile picture. Zaidi ya hayo, she also works at the same shop. I’m sure he organized it for her. I told you, he makes things happen.
Aside from being the second in command, he kaushas fries, chicken and assembles shawarmas. Sometimes, when I’m late getting home, he’ll put aside din dins for Steve (my other brother) and somehow make sure it gets to him. This is a big deal because Steve is hard to get a hold of, but Ben will get a hold of him. So yes, I have a soft spot for him.
One day after a walk, I decided to go get my fries instead of ordering in. Found Ben, we chatted, he taught me some Kamba words, we laughed, it was a good time. After my chips had been kaushwad with love, he packed them up.
I said, “Please niekee tomato sauce, imeisha kwa nyumba.”
He looked me in my eyes and straight up said (please insert kao accent),
“Mremboo, ov course nishakuwekea. Ata chumvi nimekuongezea. Nyumba haifai kukaa mbila chumvi.”
What I did next shocked even me.
I blushed.
Hahaha. It was so unexpected. Aki it’s the way he said it. Like if I told him I needed an extra oven for my baking business, he’d already have it.
I blushed and immediately went home. It felt so naughty because, let’s not forget, this man is married and his wife was literally in the area. And also he wasn't even flirting.
Anyway, that’s Bena and I. We’ve interacted many times since, and I’m proud to report that I have not blushed again. Even if he adds ten extra chumvis to my fries, I will remain strong.
It was just caught off guard kidogo.
2. Msyoks (Musyoka)
My fellow gooner. Need I say more?
Also, during oh glorious mango season, he was that guy. He had a bunch of mangoes and would lay them out on his mkokoteni to sell. He even offered free peeling services. Wow!
Our first interaction was during a drizzle.
I asked,
“Hauna zile umbrella?”
He said, “Ah, imagine sina.”
I replied, “Mwanaume ni kunyeshewa?”
For some reason, that really tickled him. And just like that, a friendship was born.
Every time I’d pass by, he’d throw in a “mwanaume ni…” joke and I had to come correct with my own “mwanamke ni…” response. Like when he’d ask if I want my mangoes peeled:
“Eeeh, zi peel. Unajua mwanamke ni soft life. Mwanaume ndio anakula na ngozi.”
These things really amused him. And cause they tickled him they also tickled me. Because I was buying mangoes every other day, we started recycling the jokes lol. Sometimes I wouldn’t even be in the mood (because, life), but I had to commit now. Inconvenience is the cost of friendship hehe.
Sadly and unfortunately, mango season ended. He now sells avocados—which… let’s be honest… cannot compete.
So I don’t go there as often. But when I do pass by, we always greet each other with ma syke especially after Arsenal wins. North London forever for real!
3. The guy for Hope Onsongo
I don’t know his name, but when you pay via Pochi la Biashara, the money goes to a Hope Onsongo. And I’m sorry, he does not look like a Hope Onsongo hehe. He’s the chapo guy. And not just any chapos; nice, soft, white, thin-layered chapos. FIRE chapos you guys!
He makes them fresh from those rested dough balls. I even told my friend that this is my personal version of teppanyaki. He has a warm smile and always acknowledges me with it,even when I’m just passing by on my way to Msyoks’.
One day I went to buy chapos and he wasn’t there. The station was empty. I stood there for a bit, contemplating whether to go elsewhere, but other places just don’t hit the same.
So I was like, “Oh meeen.” It was me and a couple of other guys waiting. Just as I started walking away, guess who appeared?
Him!
He smiled so widely and in a soft voice said
(insert heavy Luhya accent),
“Kuja nikutengenezee chapo.”
I smiled back and followed him.
When he got to the station, he didn’t even acknowledge the other three people waiting. He asked me how many I wanted and immediately started rolling the dough.
Two people left.
He did not care.
He just kept making my chapos, smiling.
Our conversations never go beyond “sasa”, “poa”, and silent smiling interludes. We don’t know each other’s names, but we know we are each other’s people.
Ours is a silent dance.
And clearly… he puts me first hehe.
4. Msee wa Chelsea
It’s not all’s well that ends well, because this relationship is on the rocks. He sells mtumba original football jerseys on a footbridge I usually cross when I’m getting my steps in.
I once bought my brother a Man United jersey from him (I almost amputated my hand after holding it). And that’s how our friendship with this guy began. Afterwards, we’d wave at each other, chat briefly about football, good vibes tu.
Then I found out he’s a Chelsea fan. How?
One day he was wearing their jersey ahead of a game against us, I think it was the Carabao Cup semi-final. I told him we’d win. He said, “Let’s wait and see.”
The game was that night.
We won.
Fofana cried.
The next day, I passed by and of course, I laughed at him.
Makosa!
He was NOT AMUSED!
And just like that, the vibes died. No more smiling. No more warmth. Just distant waving.
So yes… it’s like we broke up.
But it was good while it lasted.
(Gosh Arsenal, please win the EPL because I genuinely won’t have anywhere to hide if you don’t. Not even on that footbridge.)
So guys, these are the new men in my life. My very active attempts at replacing my brother hehe.
And honestly, I’m glad I have these small interactions. On days when I feel a bit off, they genuinely lift my mood. (Now minus msee wa Chelsea)
But still… I miss living with my brother.
I miss the conversations, the banter, the nonsense. Even when I laugh at Man United and he laughs at Arsenal, no one is catching feelings. (At least not for long on my end hehe)
We talk on the phone now, but it’s not the same. It’s not as fulfilling as face-to-face conversations.
And to make matters worse, sometimes the network is bad… so the conversation is just:
“Ati??”
“Ati umesema nini??”
"Wacha I'll tell you when we meet"
Anyway.
As usual, there’s no moral to this story.
I just miss living with my brother.
And I’m a little bored without his presence… so I’m out here forming side relationships with chips guys and chapo men hehe.
Also, I've missed you guys sana!!
