Tis The Season! Weh Uliskia Wapi?

Guys!!! Tis the season... 

But is it really???? They. Came. For. Me!!! 

Let's cry a little first.

I was minding my own damn business on a Tuesday morning in September. In fact at the time, I was battling a cold. Ya kimataifa. My voice had even disappeared for like a week. 

So I got a call from an unknown number but that isn't new. If anything, I thought it's an order for cake. 

"Hello" 

"Hello, good morning"

"Elizabeth?" 

Heh! That was the first red flag. Because for sure only serikali calls me Elizabeth. And my association with serikali is somewhat traumatic... In 2007, my 2 brothers, my mum and the driver got into an accident at Naivasha as we were headed to Nairobi from Kakamega. So when the police arrived at the scene, they took one of our phones and called the last dialled number. It was my other brother who was in Nairobi. So they called him and said "Hello, Samuel?" then broke the news to him. 

Anyway, when I heard Elizabeth? I thought "Oh God! What's happened to my folks? Cause they're in Kakamega" 

"Elizabeth"

"Yes?"

I'll paraphrase what they said 

"We're calling you from Times Towers, we're the guys with the red logo"

I felt a bit relieved, but my knees still went weak. 

"Sasa you, you filed vile unataka!  You need to come and see us. And  btw where is your voice?"

"Oh wow. Okay. My voice is gone, I'm currently unwell"

"Sawa, weh pona, and then we'll tell you when to come see us" 

I said sawa. Immediately, I made calls. Kwanza two of my brothers are in tax related fields, so they advised me to ask those guys if I can amend my returns. 

I called and asked and they said "Oh hell to the no, you come first... " I thought "oh shit" 

I ponad, I called them, but the lady was also unwell, so they said she'll call me when she returns. 

Did she ever call me? No. Did I call them back? Of course not. Life moved on, blankets came, October came, life was sweet. 

Then I saw on Twitter how starting from next year, it's not going to be easy. Filing for expenses is going to have to be etr supported. Which aki doesn't make sense for my small business. My shopkeeper for eggs doesn't have receipts, etc. Anyway I thought, "ah, these guys with my file even called me prematurely, it's supposed to be starting from next year." Plus compared to kina Keroche, I'm an eighth of an omena. Yaani smallest fish. So I relaxed Kabisa....

Until....

Come last week Friday. Destination? Mass house. Girls wametoa form. How exciting! So we get into the Uber. But the traffic on Ngong Road is insane cause of the construction. We're stuck on the road... So we decide to take bodas to the destination, tumevaa err jackets so we'll pambana with the cold. 

Kwanza this made me so excited cause it was just a representation of peak sherehe. Yaani we've even taken a boda to get there! It was nostalgic for me cause for the past year or two, we've mostly been chilling in the house. So to take a boda to the bash? Heh! Gyal we a party animals. 

We get to mass house nicely. It's ticket time. Where's my ticket? In my Yahoo mail. Do I ever check my Yahoo? Never. What email did I use to register my tax account? Yahoo. So imagine my shock as I scroll for my ticket, only to find an email from them. Now that, that was BONGE LA SURPRISE. 

Paraphrased;

"Elizabeth!!! First, you filed vile ulitaka, then, we called you and you said you'd come. Did you even bother to come? No. Yaani and you didn't even call us. In short, unalenga serikali na hushtuki? Because of all that, here's your penalty and you have to honor it by 5th December!"

Jesu Kristu! I almost sat on the floor of that Mass House. Mind you, you can imagine how the vibe at the entrance is high. So my friends were like "ni nini? Kwani you haven't found your ticket?" I told them it's even worse. Showed them the email. They said "don't worry, you'll go talk to them. It's not as crazy as they've written". I forwarded the email to my friend who knows people, she said the same thing. So I said sawa, I'll compartmentalize it and deal with it come Monday. 

TikTok reference: My friends were like 'You must stand up Ndlovu, stand up! Stand with one leg'

Yaani, I was vibing for one minute, then the next minute I see the color red all over. Mind you the party was an all-black affair. I was vibing one minute, the next minute, wine inaonja krest bitter lemon. Heh! But I wasn't going to bring the mood down....

The weekend was lovely, I was out of Nairobi. All good things must come to an end. Weekend ended.

I went to see them at the start of the week. But before I did, on my playlist, I queued JayZ, Tupac, Biggie, JHus and Dave. I also said a prayer before I stepped in. Let's just say we spoke and I apologized. But as far as 'Tis the season!' They said "Weh uliskia wapi? Lipa ushuru kwanza"

Damn...

There's no moral to this story... 

Kiswahili Kitukuzwe

I think Nabongo Mumia must have been in a situationship with a Swahili babe before finally settling with his Luhya honeys - home is where the heart is manenos. So while they had their thing, her language really stuck with him so he passed it on to his wives and children ilimradi all of us vitukuu to the nth power speak the language. 

It all begins while all of us Bantus were chilling in the Congo Basin. Us Luhyas were curious to learn another language because in the tower of Babel, as different languages emerged, we descended with the Arabs and were interested with how they spoke. But years later, the Arabs could only enter Kenya through the Coast, then Swahili was born, then one of the babes comes to Western for something, and meets Nabongo. Damu zilivutana hehe. Then the rest is history. You know the vibes. (Don't let me teach your kids history) 

All this to say that it should come as no surprise that I, daughter of the Luhya nation, find Kiswahili to be a very beautiful and expressive language. (Btw do they have those ancestry DNA tests for Kenyans? I'm sure I'd be like 98% Luhya and say 2% Luo, for the soft life I like and Coster's music that I enjoy. Also, I'm sure one of my ancestors must have crossed over the border and died for Nyash)

Kiswahili, especially when Sanifu, is so poetic. 

Who remembers the program Tausi? I don't recall much content about it but the song, I'll always remember.

🎶tausi ndege wangu, ndege wangu wa fahari, ndege ulokwisha mali, sasa wataka nini 🎶

It also had a mganga named Karumanzira and whenever he'd pop up on the screen, he'd scare the living daylights out of me. As a tiny child, even the image of an old Mother Teresa on the newspaper scared me. I must've been a weird kid with a wild imagination. 

Anyway, someone else I vividly remember from the program is the character Rukia. Rukia, like the rest, spoke fluent Swahili but the thing that stood out for me was that she had a nose ring! Maybe she was the first lady I saw with one, because I really admired it. I thought to myself "what a beautiful accessory". I must have been 5/6 then, or maybe slightly older. I eventually got one in 2023 at 29, but only lived with it for two years. One day while I was in hospital this year, it was removed and I just never bothered to return it. My inner child I believe, was satisfied when it came to that matter.

Rukia as a name also sounded so artistic to me. Clearly I was in awe of this lady. We didn't have any pets that I could name Rukia. We only had a white dog in shagz called Boxy. There's no way Boxy could be renamed Rukia lol. 

Anyway, those were my early memories of me really hearing Kiswahili Sanifu on TV and being intrigued by it. As I grew older in primary school, for some reason, the Kiswahili lessons weren't as exciting for me. In fact, I found it boring and tedious, up until highschool. 

In came Utengano... 

"Kuna mambo matatu Kazija anayachukia" 

I was like 'Heh! Ehee, ni mambo magani haya?' I was HOOKED. Till the end. It has a really good story line. In the book, there's a part I vividly remember; Maimuna kuandaa meza kwa (min)ajili ya Mzee Abdalla na marafiki wake. "Aliandaa wali, kuku, samaki wa kupaka na mengi mengineyo." Samaki wa kupaka?? It sounded so yummy, especially when I'd get to that part just before going for lunch...in boarding school = maize and beans. Pure torture. How I wished I was one of marafiki wa Mzee Abdalla during those times. (Like I said, I'm Luhya)

It was such great story telling. Shout-out to Said Mohamed. 

Here's how that ties into my love for Swahili music. As I'm back in love with the language in highschool, in form 2/3, I discover Sauti Sol.

🎶Naomba unipe namba yako nikupeleke java, tunywe kahawa, tukizubaa🎶

Heh! Who were these that were singing Kiswahili Sanifu within a context that I could relate to? I was HOOKED. Such poetry I would find their music to be. Also, no surprise as well that out of the 4, three are Luhyas... I remember I lied to my Dad that I needed money for textbooks and with the money, I went to Capital Center and bought their album 'Mwanzo'. The next term during one insha, I just copy pasted the whole story from their song 'Subira' and wrote it as a story. I got like a 5/30 and an "umepotoka kimaudhui" lol

 ****

You know how during those meet ups when you're new people and as an ice breaker, the leader says "let's go round the room saying if we were fruits, what type of fruits we'd be" Oh my days. Hizo vitu saa zingine hu bore (no offence to you if you've ever asked this). I usually imagine if they asked what type of musical instrument we'd be. I'd say "Hi, my name is Liz Litali and if I were a musical instrument I'd be a bass guitar because at first it's unassuming but once you give it time, you experience its' depth" then I'd look at the next person. 

In short, what I'm saying is that the bass guitar is my favorite musical instrument of all time. When I hear it in a song I give it a chance. 

Do you guys remember King Saul from the Bible. He was a tormented King, but would bring David to play the harp for him. That's how you know he was living a lifestyle of the rich and famouuus.  My 'There will be signs' moment is that every weekend, I'd have an artist with their band play their music live, then later, a dj later to play for oontz people,  in my backyard... Back to Saul. 

1st Samuel 16:23 : Whenever the spirit from God came upon Saul, David would pick up his harp and play. Then Saul would find relief and feel better, and the spirit of distress would depart from him

I totally get it King Saul. Now for me, replace the harp with the bass guitar.

Which brings me to Zaituni.

First of all, what a name.

Zaituni. 

I only discovered her catalogue last week. While on IG, I heard a song on someone's story then run to spotify and that's when I met 'Labor of Love', her album and was immediately hooked.

First, it's the stories she tells in her songs. Then, she sings in Kiswahili Sanifu guys. Her voice is very soothing and weaves beautifully through the instruments. It's how the bass guitar is incorporated.... Sigh..... With the African drums as well and percussions. It is such a beautiful work of art. 

For my daily walks, in the evenings, I love to listen to music on my headphones, to hear each instrument and harmony. I take 'my' songs on these walks and return so rejuvenated.

Yesterday while on my walk, I was thinking about the Titanic Band; How they kept playing until near the end to calm passengers as the ship sank. How deep that moment was.

 

If I were Rose, story ya Jack ningekuwa nimeachana nayo kitambo kidogo. As soon as the ice berg is hit, I'd be like "Jack, I love you! You can have the plank, I'm going to the dance floor. Mwah". I romanticize how I'd request the band to play me my current two favorite songs from Zautuni's album. 'Huyo' and 'Pressure'. I'd stand in the middle of the dance floor with my white flowy linen dress, eyes closed, rocking side to side with my hands raised, letting the music drown me before the water eventually does. 

In real sense, I read that it was "Nearer my God to thee" that the band kept playing which makes sense because it's gospel and you're just minutes away from meeting God Himself. 

If the Titanic happened this week, what two songs would you be going out to? Since I'm also listening to a lot of Asake in preparation, if Nyayo Stadium starts sinking, I'd request for 'Ototo' and 'Nzaza'. The instrumentation is insane on those two for me. 

Anyway, let me know your current two songs. Watu wa oontz, Rose Muhando and lingala, you're restricted 1 song only because surely by the time ata the song starts being sang/beat drops, the ship has  already sunk. I'd love to create a playlist of you guys' choices and take them on my walks.

This was a long one, thank you for reading till the end ❤️

I Can't Believe I'm Saying This...

The last time I published a story here, I had still not yet been engulfed by the tender and loving arms of TikTok... I could still function like a 'normal' human being and go on about my daily responsibilities. Before I opened an account, I used to hear people talk about how addictive it was, but I thought I knew myself to not having an addictive personality. 

Boy was I wrong...

It's now been almost two years. Every so often as I scroll away, I miss the outside world and think about it, but I remember the outside world isn't as well curated as my fyp.

Hi, my name is Liz and I'm a TikTok addict. And I'm not here to seek saving. If anything, I'm here to look for more recruits. Like the person in the rehab who sneaks in the alcohol, weed and/or cigarettes. 

On days like today when I'm able to take a small break and think about all the things I need to attend to, first thing that comes to mind is the car that's been in the parking for almost three years...

Guys.... I'm bringing Honda back...

Sounds like the title of a scary movie...

For further context, I once wrote about it here

 https://lizlitali.blogspot.com/2023/05/visa-na-visanga-hond-civic-1999.html

A little back story; Honda is a car that was so lovingly passed on over to me by my mother dearest, but it had the worst of problems and it damn near turned me into a mechanic. I knew too many car-related problem words Sijui bush ends, tie end rods, radiator or is it carburetor, engine oil etc. WHY would a girl at the tender age of late twenties know such words? Isn't that crazy? To top it off, my exhaust pipe would fall off in the middle of the highway.... Jesu Kristu! Then the occasional mechanics asking me "tutaenda kamnyweso lini?" I did that for 3 years and GAVE UP!!! Best decision I made. I saw the world differently. I was less angry and could spend my money elsewhere. I couldn't care less for it. If it wanted to, it could reverse back into the neighbors, then into the streets and into the back side of those break-down trucks... Because it had a mind of its own, whatever it wanted to do DID NOT CONCERN ME ANYMORE. 

How did I move about? Ubers (bodas & cars), when they're not asking "uko wapi exactly" and "tunaenda wapi?" and "imeleta how much?" have made transportation easier* and sometimes more convenient. But, there's also the downside to it... A stinky Uber, a dirty Uber/ a very small Uber, not being able to make a few stops here and there. That has been getting to me...

So in the beginning of the year, I bought new tyres, ready to try again with Miss Honda, only to realize MY BATTERY WAS STOLEN! (After some investigation, because we didn't watch James Bond for nothing, one watchie said that it was the other watchie who stole it. And when we asked the other watchie why he stole it, he denied, denied, denied) I thought you know what? Never mind... It's like when you have an ex then after a long time you decide to get back together because you think you're now very different mature people and on the first day of you guys meeting, you fall back into the same sort of like misunderstanding and it's just like err, ama wacha tu! Yeah that was me and Honda.

Lately, I've been asking for it to get cleaned and it's like I miss it? I can't believe it. So the first step is getting it a battery. Then a wnd screen, then a side mirror then sijui engine oil stick then ..then.... then... Just pray for me guys... And also, buy my cakes. Surely third time should be the charm right? 

In the meantime, let me go to TikTok to find out how to mentally and emotionally handle bringing back a 1999 Honda Civic...  And in the words of Pardison Fontaine "in a Honda right now but I can see you in that foreign skrr skrr" 

Adios my people...

Also, Thank you Sarah for reminding me why I write ❤️