I'll keep my ting brief

It's time to wake up when Khloe Kardashian is at the entrance of Oktobafest grounds, asking me to wait for her. Two things: 

One, I'm not attending Oktobafest this year, and two, Khloe Kardashian doesn't know me (surprise surprise). It's Charles and Camilla who are in Kenya, but even then, they came after Oktobafest and if they cane before, I don't think they'd want to attend and especially bop to Wakadinali. I digress. It was one of those weird dreams and then I woke up to Steve singing "sleeping child" while washing dishes.......at 6:45 a.m.....

 

The other day I'd taken myself out for a solo date. Before then, I was processing some difficult emotions that were making me sad. I thought the time out alone would make feel lighter, but it didn't and I accepted it. It be like that sometimes. Instead, I later met up with a few of my friends who made me laugh quite a bit. Thank God for funny friends. 

I've recently been watching The Kardashians show, (hence why my dreams feature Khloe) and a lot of times I see how convenient life is when one is rich but there's the flip side of being famous that I'd never want to experience. Anyway, as at now, here's some rich people ish they do/ have that I'm not willing to experience.

Silk anything...

Silk sheets, silk pillowcases, silk pyjamas. Those things make me sweat so much. I have one silk top and I've worn it only like twice this year.

Brussel sprouts....

They go out and order roasted brussel sprouts with raw tomato and avocado. All I can say is...yuck! 

If I remember more, I'll update you guys. 

About my, sorry our tomato plant. It's not doing well. Our watchie came to cut our grass, sorry, weeds and then he hoisted the vine on a stick, but it's more to the sun. Previously, when it was laying on the ground, it was more in the shade. There's now less that 15 tomatoes on it because someone (my Dad) has been harvesting them when they turn the slightest red. Which I think is too early, but I'm picking my battles (or none). Anyway as for my tomato billionaire dreams, it's not looking good brev... 

Lately, I've been making lots of chocolate chip cookies. As the days have gone by, I've kept on improving my recipe and I must say, they're really yummy. The probability of me omokaing from baking is higher than me omokaing from one drying tomato plant. 

Writing... I'm looking for opportunities for paid writing. Online magazines etc. Putting it out there, if you see an opportunity, kindly share with me. I'd like to explore that space....

This isn't going to be a long post, as I have cookies to make. Yaay. Otherwise, love and light. But I hear nowadays Mpesa Confirmed.... is the better signing out. I don't disagree. Enjoy the rest of your week my people ❤️

We stan a networking King

There's a random plant growing in our 'garden'. It's a tomato plant 🍅 At first, I thought it was a passion fruit plant cause of the shape of the first fruit when it was green.. Then instead of turning purple, it turned red, I was like oh, is this tomato plant. (I really like passion juice, and have only had tomato juice once in my entire life) This has just reminded me of when we were kids an old would wish that our house could have all sorts of things or our garden could grow all sorts of things. Like there was a time my small brother said he wished the taps would expel yogurt instead of water. Haha as in?  Anywayz....

I googled the kind of tomato variety it was and discovered that it's a Roma tomato plant. 

Why I say it's random is cause it's the by-product of my dad trying to plant grass and that project backfiring a good one. (Hence why it's not yet a garden) For some reason, I'm now invested in that tomato plant. I water it almost daily. 

When the met department said that we were going to experience an el-nino, I felt a little sad because I doubted that the tomatoes were going to survive. Then it rained but it wasn't too crazy and there were more tomatoes and they turned redder quicker. (Four in total) 

Then I dreamt about how I'm going to be a big time tomato farmer. That I'll start by selling them to my girl. Then sell to the shops around, then to zucchini and beyond fruits and them. Then I'll  go around the country giving talks on how to grow and nurture Roma tomatoes and be a billionaire. Then go for dinner with JayZ....cause 2 billionaires hehe. Anyway I woke up...  As of today, they're 15 tomatoes on the vine and I'm proud of them. I'm happy to see them grow.

Since we're on the topic of events that took place around home, I got a discount on sending a parcel the other day courtesy of Steve. Here's the thing about the area where I live, I can never be incognito by virtue of me being Steve's sister. Cause Steve talks to almost everyone in the area and tells them about all his family members. A lot of times, I could walk into a shop or just walk on the road and people will go like "Sasa sister Steve" so I just smile and say hi back. Which means for me to be in my mysterious girl era, I need to leave that area in its entirety. 

So I had this boda guy's number and called him so that he could have a parcel delivered to Eastleigh. I gave him directions to my place and when he got there, why lie, you could've thought. he'd met JayZ hehe. He was so happy. He said "aaaaaaaah sister Steve!!!! Sasa!" so I tried to match his energy but couldn't because I wasn't ready haha. I said "aah poa sana". Then he told me how Steve is his good friend etc.... I proceeded to give him details of where he could have the parcel delivered and asked one of the most asked questions in our capitalistic Nairobi. "Itakuwa how much?" Our guy Simon almost collapsed. He said "Weh ni sister Steve!! Siwezi kulipisha. Weh tu ndio utadecide, mimi siwezi kataa" haha. So I stated a price, he was cool with it. In fact, he was super thankful. That was. a cool interaction, or made my evening that day. I told Steve about it later.

"Your friend Simon said hi'

"Simon mgani? Wa Uber"

"I think so, but Uber ya boda, cause alikuja na boda" 

"Oooh Simon mluya wa Ingotse" 

Haha turns out we're from the same shagz and they're good friends..  

Which reminds me of another day we got free pizza in Kericho. That says a lot especially cause our last name isn't Kiprop hehe...

Steve, my big bro Sam and I are on our way to Nairobi from shagz. That day, we decide to use the Kericho route for the views etc. So we make a stop in Kericho at some mall and go to eat at some restaurant. Immediately we get in, Steve jolts out of our table and goes away. Then he comes back with a guy in his hand and they're both very enthusiastic. Steve's like "this is my brother Sammy and my sister Elizabeth" the guys introduces himself and the whole time he's just like "Steve!!!!! So nice to see you here" So he tells us him and Steve are drinking buddies, and how this is the last place he thought he'd ever see Steve...in a pleasantly surprised way. Steve is also so happy that he's seen a guy from the hood in Kericho. This guy insists he'll buy us whatever we want, plus we have to try the pizza from there, even though we'll carry it as take-out. 

He tells Sam his life story, how he works for gava and all and if we ever need connections, he's the guy to call. He said that if Steve were to ever get married, he'd ensure Steve has police escort and an entourage etc haha. This guy was Steve's guy for real..... It was such a nice interaction, I was so happy for the pizza... and of course to know that there are people who value Steve's friendship. 

This just gets me thinking how he's actually a networking king. We can only stan. Maybe I should make a Jino Tamu tee and have him go places with it, then that's when I'll become a billionaire. No? :) Also, if you want a gava tender, just talk to Steve hehe.

Journal Entry (but a public one)

I've woken up well but I'm not in the mood today.

The morning has come too fast and my sleep has only come 3 hours ago, but I need to be awake. I have work to do and a baking class to teach. I'm in my late 20's and I'm feeling it, which basically means I'm feeling like I've under achieved, career wise, and my heart and chest are full of anxiety. Of course, today is the day I'll remember every embarrassing thing I've ever done or hurtful things I've ever done to others, which will make me feel even ten times worse. 

I need to get out of this funk because my class starts soon and I need to show up for my student. 

Today, I'm not a patient sister:

Before my student arrives, I will tell Steve in a very assertive tone "Steve, when Suzie* gets here, please don't come into the kitchen ovyo ovyo. Please give us space." 

When Suzie arrives, Steve will come in the kitchen ovyo ovyo and it will be evident that I'm not amused by this, so I'll keep saying "Steve, please excuse us". He will, but for all of five minutes, then he'll be back in the kitchen with his many stories. At one point, I'm talking to Suzie about sponge cakes and Steve runs to the sink and comes with a kitchen sponge, to show her an example of a sponge. Today, I'm not in the mood, so I tell him again, "Steve, please excuse us, I'll call you if we need you." 

Next week, when my mood will be much lighter, Steve will come in the kitchen and tell Suzie that she's a beautiful queen and this will make me laugh for a long time. Even as I'm writing this, it's making me smile. Because where did he learn how to compliment like that? Is he now hanging out with Rastafaris cause they're the ones who compliment like that. Them and some Black Americans. I'll be honest though, I'm not a fan of the queen word used as a compliment to me, but the compliment wasn't to me, it was to Suzie. She laughs and thanks Steve. 

I really like Suzie's personality. First, she's Gen Z. You guys know how I feel about most Gen Z's. I love them, because they're what I wasn't in my early 20's. I wasn't as confident, I wasn't as free in saying what was in my mind. I was always thinking about how what I'll say will affect others, even when it's got nothing to do with them. Just now, at 29, I'm still learning how to speak up in a Salon. Yesterday, I did it twice. I stammered the second time. I told her 'usishuke hizi za mbele' in short, don't grab my poor baby hairs when braiding. By the third time when I realized she still was getting something wrong, I lengad. A Gen Z would never, and I can only aspire. 

Apart from Suzie being Gen Z, she is also funny and honest, and she understands all my TikTok references. For instance, when I say "I'll keep my ting brief", do you guys understand what I'm talking about? Shourourt to you if you do, you can come to our next baking class. She's also very accommodative of Steve, Suzie i.e and that tugs at the strings of my heart in a major way. 

***

(I see Biko use those asterisks in his blogs so nimefanya ku copy lol) 

When I wrote the first paragraph, it was exactly three days before my monthly period. Dark times, dark thoughts. Now, many days later, I'm feeling positive again. Feeling like God is with me and He'll always help me navigate each stage of my life. So I'm a lot less anxious and looking forward to my 30's...

I've really missed you guys, hope you're all well :)

The lights are on and everyone's home

You're a 45 year old man and your wife of seven years, whom you share four children with, breaks up with you. You have a mental breakdown and let's give you a name, say Kanye West, your breakdown shall be televised...on social media...

During this phase in your life, you release a song with Xxxtentacion called "True Love". It's a melodious tune. A sort of dedication to your ex-wife and four children. In one of the lines to your children, you say "-I'm the- only neighbor in the hood with a door they can knock on, I leave the light on... daddy's not gone, I leave the light on, daddy's at home" 

That line is beautiful, but it also made me wonder how it perhaps could be, having to live in Kanye's house. I was like it must be quite adventurous, to say the least. Immediately, I remembered that I live in Nairobi and hey, in my mind it's not such a far off comparison. (Key word: in my mind) 

Here in Nai, the lights are seemingly always on, but also, quite literally. And everybody's home....and in your bedroom. That's how it feels a lot of the time. The only time it feels like the lights are dim are Sundays, from morning to around 6:00 pm and then between December 24th and 31st. (Shout out to any one born during that time period. i.e me, my girl Kinesh, Bien, John Legend na wanyama wooote hehe). At this time, the lights are dim, but never off. Not in Nairobi. 

Let me tell you, one of the biggest things that shocked me this year was learning that not everyone is a foodie. That the idea of food doesn't excite everyone. Not everyone goes to bed thinking hmm what should I have for lunch kesho, or while on a date, hmm, what am I going to eat? Anyhu, while still processing that shock, I also learnt that not everyone appreciates slow or moderate paced environments. There are people who absolutely thrive in say New York, the same as the people who thrive in the quickness of Nairobi. 

Here's the thing though, as at now, I'm not saying that I'm ready to move from this city. I appreciate a lot of the convenience here  and the grandiosity and the sometimes efficiency but other times, it's just a lot. It's everyday having to say "ni send money ama ni till number? Ooh paybill. Account number ni?" Or directing a boda guy or an Uber guy "kuja kwa hizi apartments za grey, Lenalita Kang, kuja house number F8" Without even leaving the house, you still experience how fast paced life is. But then again, I can't imagine living somewhere that doesn't have this level of convenience. 

Speaking of convenience, because many things happen here, the other day Harambee Stars had a friendly match against South Sudan at Kasarani stadium. (On maps, it's sijui Kasarani aqua sth or sijui Kasarani Safaricom sth. Like it brought almost 4 options and I was just like mehn, I'm just trying to get to Kasarani stadium, wacha hii maneno mingi) Reason I was going is because my cousin now plays for the team. Harambee Stars, not South Sudan hehe. Even though he's tall, like 6 foot plus tall. So we were going as a family to support and to feel proud, despite SSD winning. 

I know about football alright. I wouldn't say I know too much neither too little. I support Arsenal and watch a lot of their matches and know their manager, many players and the goal keeper (Ramsdale) I've forgotten the other one's name. Oopsie. So anyway when I got home, my pops was like how'd the game go, and what position does said cousin (Anyembe) play. I was like position? He's number 24. Are they not all either strikers or midfielders or goalkeepers? Apparently not. The whole time while watching the game, I'm just like "pass the ball to number 24". Even if say the guys huko mbele, akina Saka of Harambee Stars were about to score, in my head I was just like "pass the ____ ball to number 24". Logic left my head, I just wanted to see my cousin with the ball. 

Anyway, it was an alright game, nothing too exciting. We didn't win, but we try again next time. Which also got me thinking, I'd enjoy watching more matches live, especially if the team I'm supporting is winning, especially abroad where the stadiums have better infrastructure and err, exciting food. Can you imagine in Kasarani, the food being hawked was just peanuts, simsim, and soda, there was no water. No hotdogs, no fries and for someone like my girl Minah, imagine no smokie pasua. Hopefully with time for us foodies, they'll start serving exciting food and the infrastructure will continue to improve. Even on the pitch they'll put the carpet, they'll turn on the screens cause this time to know how many more minutes of the game was left, we were doing estimation. 

Anyhu, in this fast paced city, where the lights are always on, I hope you get chances to just chill. Next Harambee Stars game in Kenya si we go? 

Sometimes mafia bosses wear skirts and have thin eyebrows

"Afadhali ule mwenye anaomba kuliko ule mwenye anaiba. Naomba machungwa!" I don't know how that sounds to you guys, but to me it sounds more like a threat than a request. The sort of thing someone dangerous like a Mafia boss would initially say to you to make it seem like you have an option, but basically they're just letting you know who's in charge now. 

That's how I started my Monday morning last week and probably why I didn't post on the blog here. I was recovering from that threat lol. Okay, I lie. I didn't post because I was in Mombasa, I'd gone to see my two nephews. One spent most of his time sleeping and the other spent most of his time jumping on chairs hehe. One is 3 years old, the other is 3 weeks old. Guess who the jumper was and who the sleeper was. 

Before going to the Coast last week, I'd called a new cleaning lady, to come and wash clothes. (If you have a washing machine and a dryer and/or do your own laundry, you probably won't relate with the sometimes struggle of getting a 'good' cleaning lady to wash clothes. Good is in quotes because it's relative and specific to an individual. For example, for me, a good cleaning lady is one who comes early, is thorough, fast and doesn't have story mingi. 

Anyway, so this one I got, let's call her the mafia boss, came early, was fast but problem is that she had story mingi. So after finishing her work, I called her to the house to have some tea. Whole time, there were like 5 big oranges on the kitchen counter. It didn't even occur to me to offer her just simply because it didn't occur to me. I was in the kitchen frosting a cake so that's probably where I was concentrated on. So MB (mafia boss) looks me dead in the eye and then with a threatening tone, says "afadhali ule mwenye anaomba kuliko ule mwenye anaiba. Naomba machungwa." Guys, please read that with a tone that suggests an order. I froze a little. I wondered why there was mention of kuiba in the first place. In short, this is what I heard. "Hey, you over there frosting that cake. Look at me. I'm only going to tell you this once. Give me that orange. You're lucky I haven't stolen all five of them already. If you say no, I'll have my people come for your head and that cake of yours. And then we'll steal everything that belongs to you." 

Of course I gave her. Mama raised a coward haha. I'm joking. Mama raised a girl who takes time to process things. If she'd have said "naomba machungwa" we wouldn't even be talking about her. Needles to say, I will not be requesting MB for her services again. Also because she had story mingi which I don't want to get into because it will make this post have story mingi. Yesterday, there was a knock on the gate. Who was it, you guessed it. MB. I opened the gate peeping thing. She said "umepotea!" Haha then I said "ah ah, mi niko" Then she asked "hakuna job?" So I said "bado". She looked me dead in the eye "nimekuja juu simu yangu haifanyi na labda umekuwa ukinitafuta". Then I said "oooh. Sawa. Lakini nikikuneed, nitajua kwenye nitakupata. Asante" Then she closed the gate peeping thing. Still ensuring that she's the one in charge haha. Ain't no way I'll call her back. But please guys, help me pray over my safety. Sometimes, mafia bosses wear skirts and have thin eyebrows.

Please read these next paragraphs in a Ugandan accent. For no particular reason. Only because yesterday evening I chose to annoy my small brother by responding to him in that accent, but he kept 'ignoaring' me lol. No offense to Ugandans, but that accent cooks me. (That's how Gen Z's say something tickles them. They say ngl, that sh** cooks me.)

Anyway, it still felt nice to come back to Nairobi to clean clothes. One day, we'll talk about that dreaded feeling of coming back to Nairobi after some relaxed time away. It disappears after like three days. At least for me. Otherwise, have a lovely rest of the week. Hopefully, you don't encounter any mafia bosses. (Now you can release the Ugandan accent)

The stars are aligned

I'm baaaack :) I took a one week break because I'm a millennial and one thing we know as millennials is to take breaks. The generation older than us struggle with such little luxuries like breaks and therapy. Anyhu, in the one week I've been away, I'm now an auntie of two, from one and I have a tiny little tattoo on the base of my leg. The pain level of getting the tatt was a 15/10, I'm not sure I'd recommend. Oh also, I hate my new hairstyle.

 

It makes me look like a Truphena or Truphosa my brother even said I look like a Petronila. The hairstyle, not the tatt. No offense to people named that. On second thought how do you have such a name? Haha yes offense. Here's what happened: I went to the salon and accidentally asked for the wrong hair color. Instead of color number 2/30, I asked for 30. Throughout the whole braiding process, I'm like something is off, but I couldn't tell exactly what cause you guys won't imagine, they made me help them gawa the braids. Goodness me. I'm definitely not going back there. So I was too busy parting the braiding hair to recognize the color is too rich on my head and struggles to blend well with my complexion. Yikes. Although I'm not one of those babes who will undo the hair if I don't like it. I'll just be a Turu (Truphosa) for the next 4 weeks at least I have a tattoo so I'm still kind of a badass? No? 

Anyway, I'm writing this in the waiting room of a hospital. I've brought my pops for a cataract removal. We woke up early in order to be here early (6:30 a.m) so I'm kind of sleepy. I think we're number one on the line so that's nice, I hope by noon we'll be home. I'm thinking about how sometimes, the stars align themselves. Like being number 1 on the line is a great example if you ask me. 

When the stars align themselves: 

Let's say you're six girls sharing a two bedroom Airbnb. 1 California King size bed sits in each bedroom. Two of the six girls don't mind sleeping in the middle, the rest prefer to sleep on the edges. Each middle girl sleeps in each bed, the other 4 get to sleep on the edges. Because of that, the friendship lasts forever hehe. 

You're about to be late for a 2pm meeting/ date. You're not too sure whether it's a date or a casual meeting, but you kind of have a crush on the guy. You take a boda and arrive four minutes late. He's cool with it. You guys have a good time. You know it was a date when at the end, he gives you a peck on the cheek. Your crush likes you back. 

You don't book an appointment for the salon. When you get there, the hair dresser/ nails lady/ waxing lady doesn't have a client so it's immediately your turn. 10 minutes later, another client who'd booked an appointment 30 mins prior your walk-in walks in (meaning they're 40 mins late) luckily it's them that have to wait and not you.

You're on dinner duty but left the house early thinking you'd return in time for din dins, but you met your friends and the meet up turns into a fire sherehe. Just as you're thinking of leaving to go make Ugali for your (Luhya) Dad, he texts "Don't include me for supper, I'm having dinner with......" in response you text him "aah okay sawasawa. I'll be spending the night at Kinesh's, will be back home kesho.

You give yourself four hours to bake, cool and decorate two cakes. 1, there's electricity throughout and 2. they're both ready at the 4th hour. 

You're at a restaurant waiting for your small brother to come join you. He tells you it will be 30 minutes, so you wait as you write. 30 minutes later, he tells you it will be another 20 minutes sijui he has to add a watermark on his report. Corporate things. In this restaurant, a person you knew in highschool sees you and comes to your table. You tell him you're waiting for your brother, he decides to join you, as he was just leaving but can keep you company. You don't have any small talk in you, you just want to turn into a cabbage so that he can stop talking. As you're thinking of an excuse, your brother joins you, Mr yappa yappa got to go. Yaay.

You borrow "someone's" car and you return it with no incidences despite crazy boda and matatu people. Oh, also, you don't get lost driving round Nairobi and its environs.

You're out of body spray and as you're just thinking of getting another one, a friend's brother, who's now your brother.ish, comes from a Dubai trip with body spray for all his sisters.ish.

When you're playing Kenya at 50 and your teammate shouts "augmentin" instead of "antibiotics" as the answer to "the medicine you take when you have a bacterial infection", but somehow, your team still ends up winning.

You meet a friend in Uni, and you and her become close, then also get close with her brothers, they almost adopt you into their family. You share so many memories, the friendship lasts forever. 

You become an auntie of two sweet boys. 

You're in traffic, hungry as a ....... then those crisps people happen to pass. Immediately you pay for them, traffic is open. 

Those are the moments I could think of for now. Like I mentioned, I'm a bit sleepy so let me see if I can catch a snooze on these hospital chairs, the kind for gawaing shambas. For some reason, this is usually embarrassing but I'm a Truphosa anyway so it doesn't really matter. 

Ehee, for you, what are some instances when your stars have aligned themselves? 

(:

 

Awuoro!

 

This whole blog post was about to be in Luo. I’d heard Okello Max’s songs before, I liked them even, and they were on my Spotify favorites for a while. And then, he dropped his album ‘Boss’ and I couldn’t stop listening, despite barely understanding what the songs meant. There was the usual asking my luo friends what some words meant, but I had to do this slowly before they realized that I was using them and that the friendship was one-sided. 

From Okello Max, I discovered Coster (not Coaster hehe) Ojwang’ through their collaborations and again, I couldn’t stop listening to Coster. Hyper-fixation and dat. Both artists primarily sing in dholuo (I feel like a criaz historian using that word - dholuo). So that’s almost six months of at least listening to one luo song a day. Surely by now, I know some luo. It also helps that in highschool the song we danced to for house dance was a luo one but unfortunately till this day, my proposal to recreate and perform it to any of my lakeside friends has been immediately shut down. 

Anywayz, some time back, I experienced Coster Ojwang' live and had a spiritual experience. Like I always do with intimate gigs. Billy Black is another artist who moved my soul during his live gig. Story for another day.

 

I digress…

 

Awuoro!

Is this the same Nairobi and the same adulting process that our folks went through?

On Monday, I was running an errand for my pops at NSSF. He was finally completing something that he'd started when we were kids. For some reason (pms), it made me feel sorry for him. I thought about how difficult adulting has sometimes been for me, then I imagined being in his shoes at my age, 29. By this time, he was married, with one child who in the next three years, they would find out is autistic. In the next 12 years, he would have five children and be responsible for not only himself, his wife, his kids but also some of his relatives. Yikes! Then I imagined how lonely he might have felt being in a new town, as a first generation Nairobi migrant. Having to go through the whole adulting process. Personally, I'm a softie. Maybe to him, the whole experience of being in a new town was fun and exciting and bursting with many opportunities and he was happy to make it out of the hood. But one thing is for sure, adulting is a lot of the times difficult for everyone, I assume. 

Then I thought about my mum, at my age, she was a mother of two, expecting her third child. By now, she already knows her first born is autistic but this doesn't scare her from getting more kids. She knows God will help her. In the next 10 years, she'll have a total of five kids and be responsible for them, her husband and other relatives. At 29, she's also in nursing school, or has finished and is practicing, she is also in the church choir. Literally, no days off. She's grown up in Nairobi so she doesn't have to deal with the culture shock that is Nairobi. To be fair though, I've grown up in Nairobi but still get culture shock of just how fast paced it is. 

I don’t know how my folks survived adulting. But they did. Obviously if I go to them with these questions and admit how adulting is beating my ass, they'll ask me about the last time I went to church hehe. To be fair though, it's post pms and life is worth giving another shot. It can be difficult but it sure has its many fun and exciting moments and weird moments as well. Like on Tuesday, after teaching a baking class as I was leaving that house, unbeknownst to me, a boerboel would meet me at the door, immediately come in between my legs and lift me with it's head. My entire heart left my body. Thankfully, it did not bite.