The bottle is still spinning but at a slower pace (Part 2)

#endfemicideKe 

In the famous words of the great Wahu, I am a liarrr.

What was I gonna do? I was meant to finish this story last week, but I didn't. That's the thing about breaking a story. You have to go back and read part I and honestly, I don't like reading back my stories. It just feels...... weird? . But, of course I'm Kenyan, I have to serve my two terms. Plus you guys have been harassing me (only two people). Word to Usher, these are my confessions part II. 

Where were we? Ah yes 

Fibroids....

After the diagnosis, I'd been taking herbal meds and was exercising, doing yoga, and for like 2 years, they didn't grow, (the fibroids) Then I fell off that bandwagon. I take full accountability. I went back to my one true love ; fries! I stopped working out, stopped yoga. So towards the end of last year, my stomach started appearing bigger. (Wanasema mi mimba kumbe lifestyle! No?) In December, one day after church, my mum looked at my tummy, then at me with sorry eyes and said "mama we need to go back to the doctors" 

So in the beginning of this year, she took me to get an ultrasound. I'll tell you what, after being an adult for so long and having to go to the hospital most times alone, it felt good going with my mummy. Only that I still have to speak for myself and tell the symptoms myself. That part of growing up is a scam, because doctors don't even touch your head nowadays to feel for a fever. (I didn't have a fever or a headache for that matter) 

Anyway, so si I go in for the ultrasound. The guy applies the cream on me then does his thing. Then he turns the screen to me and shows me how big the fibroids are. Largest one measuring 14cm. I ask him a few questions and I can hear my voice sounding nervous. He answers me and at the end, tells me "utakuwa sawa". Cool. I wipe myself then when I jump off the bed, tell me why this man leans in and hugs me and reaffirms me that "utakuwa sawa" and dashes out of the room. lol. That was the most awkward hug I've received this year. 1. It caught me off guard and 2. Left me with so many questions. Okay 2 questions :

a.) What in the unprofessionalism?

b.) Is this guy an empath? Yaani he's really hurumiad me? Why? Kwani he's never seen anything like my case? 

Doctor recommends surgery, so that happens next year because..... insurance....

Anyway, in the car on the way home, I told my mum how that guy hugged me and she only had one question: 

a.) What in the unprofessionalism?

As I wait for next year, I get the opportunity to get back to the lifestyle! Connect with my body through yoga and exercise? Get back to my herbs. You guys remember Dr Murugu herbal clinic? That's our kitchen now. 

Solo Dates

When you see them on social media, or read about them they look and sound so magical, it appears that guys having a really nice time. It's like they receive grand revelations during this time. Si even Moses received the 10 commandments during his solo hike in the mountain? (Come to think of it, hiking those days was brave! Those guys for sure didn't have the hiking shoes available today and those bags that have that pipe for water. Now Moses had to hike solo! With his akalas I'm guessing, but it seems that those days that was the lifestyle! I digress. I hiked once in my 20s and I doubt I'm going to hike again in my 30s, even with 1 thousand men beside me.) 

These solo dates, it's people enjoying their own company. Or so I thought... The more I went on them, I realized you know what? Sometimes they're boring... AF... This one Sunday, I went for one to Zucchini at the General Mathenge one. I was trying to read my book but wasn't paying much attention to it. When I saw that some of my friends were at Geco, I almost run out of that place. The bill wasn't being brought fast enough, the Uber wasn't arriving quick enough. Heh. I was so happy to be outta there, to go and join their wonderful company. 

More often than not though, I have a good time, especially at music gigs. I sometimes make friends and I also do my favorite thing : people watch. (That just makes me sound like a stalker sindio?) 

Despite some of them being boring, here's to more solo dates and solo adventures in my 30s. 

The breakfast club

2019 was such a tough year for me, I'd just left my sales job and was trying to get back to baking. My orders were far and wide, but it's during that time that I discovered the breakfast club. This particular segment called 'donkey of the day' got me hooked. I was both intrigued and amused with Charlamagne, so I bought his book 'Shook One' and surprisingly, I found great comfort in it. The story of his life is very compelling. Granted, he can be an a**hole, he's one of those polarizing people. Kwanza this new year he's sounding angry a lot of the times but one thing I'll never take away from him is his funny. Most of the time when listening to him, I'm either cracking up or just entirely disagreeing with his train of thought. 

Needless to say, it's been a great source of my entertainment. Their interviews... donkey of the day... rumor report. So I'm glad I discovered the breakfast club. Right now it sounds like there's a lot going on there so I wonder, eh I wanda if it'll last another decade. I doubt it.

This is also an appreciation for all the podcasts that continue to thoroughly entertain me. Shourourt to the Mic Cheque podcast.   

My girls my girls my girls

To be seen, heard, loved, accepted, laughed at and reminded of all the embarrassing things ever said or done. I can't for the life of me, imagine having to navigate the 20s without them. From sharing 1 nouba, the lipstick, to sharing our lives. Here's to us navigating our 30s together my girls ❤️

Honda

You guys know the adventures I've been on with Honda. I gained confidence (or lack thereof) on the road through her. I'm grateful to my mum my mum my mum for handing her to me. Writing that has made me emotional because ... my mum (I'm also on my period so ...) That being said, I think my journey with her (Honda) came to an end. It was always something with her and ever since I took a break from our relationship, I'm a lighter human being. I don't have to worry about sijui tie rods then wheel aligning or is it wheel balancing? My cortisol levels have significantly reduced.  Guys are like "wow, you're glowing" and I'm like "yeah, I'm not with Honda anymore". For sure the 30s is where I get a new car.

Otherwise, who wants to buy a car? Forget all the bad things I've ever said about Honda, she has a strong engine. She has a good heart. 

Food

*Sigh* you guys will blame it on me being Luhya, sawa. But you can't deny the art that food is.. The colors, the smells the textures.... God really snapped when he invented food on day 3 for plants and day 6 for land creatures. The excitement of recreating a recipe will never die on me. Or the excitement of a food order or being invited to places where there's good food, or going on a date to eat a specific food! Personally, I live to eat. I'm a certified foodie girl. This certainly doesn't change in my 30s.

God

Grateful to Him for always holding me down. 

Family

For always holding me down as well and being there. I also gained 2 beautiful sissys, and two beautiful nephews. 

Friends 

The rest hahahaha. I'm joking! A joke that might backfire on me. For real I don't consider you guys the rest. It's just funny how it's here at the end. I'm really truly grateful for all the friendships I've gained, fostered and maintained. Looking forward to still gaining new friends, and fostering the ones I have. Grateful for all the fun times and deep meaningful conversations we have and how we change each other's lives. Hi Gaps. Hi Shmoops, hi ALL my friends! 

***

This was supposed to be a post about the things that stood out to me in my 20s, but the more I write, the more I feel ni kama it's a speeeech, ile ya kuwaaacha lol. So I'll just end it here. 

*Thanks to all the hustlers and most importantly you, the customer reader*

Here's to finding our true north and for those of you who are there, here's to thriving in it. 

Gwaheri

#endfemicideKe

The bottle is still spinning but at a slower pace (part 1)

Undertaker rising in the ring!!! Did you guys watch wrestling while growing up? That was one of my favorite things to do with my brothers... There were usually times when undertaker would be taken down by his opponent, then he'd lay on the floor for a few seconds then all of a sudden, dramatically rise to sit. Epic scenes!!!! And scary if I'm being honest. I used to hope that I wouldn't find him lying under my bed. But no one was scarier than Cane, his brother especially when he had his mask on.... Anyway, all this to say, I'm baaaaaaaack! Undertaker style.

Gosh I've really missed expressing myself on here and engaging with y'all. Happy New Year guys. I hope it's started on a positive and optimistic note. And if not, I hope it gets better as the days go by...

*****

A couple of years back, I was scrolling through Bikozulu's blog and came across this in his comment section. Someone had asked him what he remembered about being 28 and this was his response. 

"28? Wow. I remember confusion, insecurities that came in waves and fear of time running out before I made something of my life. Generally, in your 20s you should stay in that rocky boat, it’s important that you weather that shit. Because it will be okay, eventually even though it doesn’t seem so then. So my 20s I was a spinning Coke bottle which finally stopped spinning in my early 30s and pointed towards my true north. " 

If that hasn't been the story of my entire 20's!!! Yo! That boat has been rooocky. So, after attending his Masterclass, I Whatsapped him that and told him how profound those words were. He told me I owe him a bottle and then I found out that his boti of preference is 7 thousand... Err..... 

Anyway, I turned 30 on exactly 29th December. Finally out of my 20s. My coke bottle is still spinning, but thankfully at a much slower pace. 

***

Here are things I remember about my 20s

****

Career/Purpose

I knew I wanted to be a journalist, tell stories to change the world etc. So when it was time to join Uni, I was sure that's what I was going to do, but my father said not on his watch, so I ended up doing Economics and that was the beginning of confusion in that area of my life. I think I've told this story before, of how I barely paid attention in class. Barely. At the end of my course, I knew for sure that I didn't want to be an Economist or practice Economic related things. I knew I didn't want to work in the top 5 audit companies, I knew I didn't want to work in government or the UN. Basically, I just knew all the things I didn't want to do. Unluckily, I still didn't know what I wanted to do. I'd given up on journalism, didn't want to go back to school. I was so over classes and the whole school routine.

Then I baked my graduation cake and from then on, I started selling cakes and cupcakes for money. I did that for a while and at that time, I was still a beginner, learning everything on YouTube so my skills were B for Basic. Needless to say, it wasn't bringing in good money, so I went ahead and got a job as a sales person. I did that for almost 2 years then I returned to baking. It's what I still knew plus I had the equipment... 

Since then, the learning curve has been steeper, I very slowly improved my skills while at the same time wondered why it wasn't bringing me so much joy. This is a story for another day, but in summary, now, 5 years later, is when I'm learning exactly what I enjoy baking and what sort of direction I'd like to steer/ pivot to when it comes to the business of it. So help me Oh God. 

Writing 

I vividly remember being called in the English teacher's office in class 8, with a few other classmates, to be told that our compositions are good and we should keep it up. In highschool, I enjoyed sending letters to people at home and in other schools. I didn't know it then, but that was story telling. In Uni, I started a blog but deleted it shortly after. I discovered candy crush for my mental health haha. (Anyone else still addicted to this? Because I still am. Shourourt to the creators) I still always enjoyed reading stories, especially those told in a raw and emotional manner or in a poetic way. Or just in a funny way. Then I discovered YouTube and got distracted from reading and writing. 

Last year but one, I applied for some WFH internship that needed a storyteller for marketing. They selected me and after 3 months paid me all of my $100. That time the exchange rate was 120/= for a dollar. Believe it or not, receiving that 12k re-ignited my passion for writing/story telling. So last year I took the writing Masterclass and knew for sure I wanted to get back to writing. Shourourt to my friend Bosi who encouraged me to publish my work publicly. Writing allows me to express myself creatively and many times, it feels cathartic. I'm still not sure of where exactly it's going to lead me. But I hope to write at least one book, Inshallah. And for now, I'm grateful that I re l-started this blog and share my thoughts/feeling. It sometimes feel vulnerable in a way I don't like or rather in a way I'm not used to, but it is what it is. In the next 70 years we all won't be here so really, it is what it is. 

Heartbreak ya kimataifa 

At around 23/24, I met this guy and the chemistry was off the chain. We connected on all levels. Our sense of humor was alike so many times, we started our phone calls just laughing. Shortly after, we were in a monogamous relationship. Life was good. I felt heard and accepted and was always motivated to be a better person. You know, just all the good things that come with a healthy relationship. We did this for almost 1 and a half years. We did have many many disagreements but we would get back on the same page or agree to disagree quickly. Then slowly, over time, my guy started to lose interest in me. He didn't really want to hang out, he was always tired, didn't really bother to ask me how my day was and that was the most heartbreaking period for me. As you may have guessed, he'd found another lady yet still hadn't let me go. I remember at this time, crying in a shuttle on my way to Kakamega. Oh my goodness. By the time I fikad Kaks, my eyes were so swollen and so red. My mum was like "oh no, what's wrong?" And because you know, in an African household you don't want to ever admit that heartbreak is twanging you, I lied to her, told her that I missed my late Uncle. I cried almost everyday since then for like 3 months. Anyway, we finally broke up, it was a painful and sometimes unsure process. 

Interestingly, I don't one bit regret that relationship. I learnt so much especially about the things I value most in a union. We had fun, a lot of it, especially in the mundane.

Ever since then, the end of consecutive relationships and/or situationships lol have sometimes been a bit sad, but not as heartbreaking as that one. I'm also never scared to let things go especially when they stop serving a healthy purpose. I'm happy to report I haven't cried in a shuttle since....

Fibroids 

In class 7, as we were alighting the bus to go for sport's day, a guy called Musau called me to the back of the bus and graciously told me that I'd stained my skirt. He then helped me tie my sweater around my waist and escorted me to the nearest lady teacher. Bless his heart. Since then, I always made sure that I didn't stain myself during my monthly period. I was extra careful and paranoid. Until 2019, when I just wouldn't seem to contain it. I remember the day Kipchoge won the INEOS 1:59 challenge vividly because I was at a wedding and Marathon runner was playing in the corridors as I headed to the toilet to clean myself. That's how I knew he'd won....

In 2020, during a girl's trip to Naivasha, it was days after my period but I was still experiencing stomach cramps. I folded myself on the whole journey there. I couldn't even enjoy my time during that stay because my tummy just wouldn't stop hurting. I remember my girls dancing to "Koroba" and me just watching them feeling pain. 

When I came back from that trip, that's when I discovered I had fibroids. But they weren't that big, so I could live with them and manage the symptoms and get on iron pills...  

*** 

While in Mombasa last year during another girl's trip, a watchie lady at the entrance of the mall stopped me and asked me "weh madam, we mja mzito?" I knew she felt them (the fibroids) so to cut the long story short, I just told her "eeeeh" then she said "ah basi umefanya makosa, sifai kupitisha hii kidude" that metal detector thingy of theirs. I said "ooooh, oops" ..... 

Guys, you won't believe it, but I have to continue this story next week. I haven't written prose like this in a while and for now, naenda jinsi nilivyokuja, kisa na maana, nimeboeka, Gwaheri....

Part II coming next week....

I'll keep my ting brief

It's time to wake up when Khloe Kardashian is at the entrance of Oktobafest grounds, asking me to wait for her. Two things: 

One, I'm not attending Oktobafest this year, and two, Khloe Kardashian doesn't know me (surprise surprise). It's Charles and Camilla who are in Kenya, but even then, they came after Oktobafest and if they cane before, I don't think they'd want to attend and especially bop to Wakadinali. I digress. It was one of those weird dreams and then I woke up to Steve singing "sleeping child" while washing dishes.......at 6:45 a.m.....

 

The other day I'd taken myself out for a solo date. Before then, I was processing some difficult emotions that were making me sad. I thought the time out alone would make feel lighter, but it didn't and I accepted it. It be like that sometimes. Instead, I later met up with a few of my friends who made me laugh quite a bit. Thank God for funny friends. 

I've recently been watching The Kardashians show, (hence why my dreams feature Khloe) and a lot of times I see how convenient life is when one is rich but there's the flip side of being famous that I'd never want to experience. Anyway, as at now, here's some rich people ish they do/ have that I'm not willing to experience.

Silk anything...

Silk sheets, silk pillowcases, silk pyjamas. Those things make me sweat so much. I have one silk top and I've worn it only like twice this year.

Brussel sprouts....

They go out and order roasted brussel sprouts with raw tomato and avocado. All I can say is...yuck! 

If I remember more, I'll update you guys. 

About my, sorry our tomato plant. It's not doing well. Our watchie came to cut our grass, sorry, weeds and then he hoisted the vine on a stick, but it's more to the sun. Previously, when it was laying on the ground, it was more in the shade. There's now less that 15 tomatoes on it because someone (my Dad) has been harvesting them when they turn the slightest red. Which I think is too early, but I'm picking my battles (or none). Anyway as for my tomato billionaire dreams, it's not looking good brev... 

Lately, I've been making lots of chocolate chip cookies. As the days have gone by, I've kept on improving my recipe and I must say, they're really yummy. The probability of me omokaing from baking is higher than me omokaing from one drying tomato plant. 

Writing... I'm looking for opportunities for paid writing. Online magazines etc. Putting it out there, if you see an opportunity, kindly share with me. I'd like to explore that space....

This isn't going to be a long post, as I have cookies to make. Yaay. Otherwise, love and light. But I hear nowadays Mpesa Confirmed.... is the better signing out. I don't disagree. Enjoy the rest of your week my people ❤️

We stan a networking King

There's a random plant growing in our 'garden'. It's a tomato plant 🍅 At first, I thought it was a passion fruit plant cause of the shape of the first fruit when it was green.. Then instead of turning purple, it turned red, I was like oh, is this tomato plant. (I really like passion juice, and have only had tomato juice once in my entire life) This has just reminded me of when we were kids an old would wish that our house could have all sorts of things or our garden could grow all sorts of things. Like there was a time my small brother said he wished the taps would expel yogurt instead of water. Haha as in?  Anywayz....

I googled the kind of tomato variety it was and discovered that it's a Roma tomato plant. 

Why I say it's random is cause it's the by-product of my dad trying to plant grass and that project backfiring a good one. (Hence why it's not yet a garden) For some reason, I'm now invested in that tomato plant. I water it almost daily. 

When the met department said that we were going to experience an el-nino, I felt a little sad because I doubted that the tomatoes were going to survive. Then it rained but it wasn't too crazy and there were more tomatoes and they turned redder quicker. (Four in total) 

Then I dreamt about how I'm going to be a big time tomato farmer. That I'll start by selling them to my girl. Then sell to the shops around, then to zucchini and beyond fruits and them. Then I'll  go around the country giving talks on how to grow and nurture Roma tomatoes and be a billionaire. Then go for dinner with JayZ....cause 2 billionaires hehe. Anyway I woke up...  As of today, they're 15 tomatoes on the vine and I'm proud of them. I'm happy to see them grow.

Since we're on the topic of events that took place around home, I got a discount on sending a parcel the other day courtesy of Steve. Here's the thing about the area where I live, I can never be incognito by virtue of me being Steve's sister. Cause Steve talks to almost everyone in the area and tells them about all his family members. A lot of times, I could walk into a shop or just walk on the road and people will go like "Sasa sister Steve" so I just smile and say hi back. Which means for me to be in my mysterious girl era, I need to leave that area in its entirety. 

So I had this boda guy's number and called him so that he could have a parcel delivered to Eastleigh. I gave him directions to my place and when he got there, why lie, you could've thought. he'd met JayZ hehe. He was so happy. He said "aaaaaaaah sister Steve!!!! Sasa!" so I tried to match his energy but couldn't because I wasn't ready haha. I said "aah poa sana". Then he told me how Steve is his good friend etc.... I proceeded to give him details of where he could have the parcel delivered and asked one of the most asked questions in our capitalistic Nairobi. "Itakuwa how much?" Our guy Simon almost collapsed. He said "Weh ni sister Steve!! Siwezi kulipisha. Weh tu ndio utadecide, mimi siwezi kataa" haha. So I stated a price, he was cool with it. In fact, he was super thankful. That was. a cool interaction, or made my evening that day. I told Steve about it later.

"Your friend Simon said hi'

"Simon mgani? Wa Uber"

"I think so, but Uber ya boda, cause alikuja na boda" 

"Oooh Simon mluya wa Ingotse" 

Haha turns out we're from the same shagz and they're good friends..  

Which reminds me of another day we got free pizza in Kericho. That says a lot especially cause our last name isn't Kiprop hehe...

Steve, my big bro Sam and I are on our way to Nairobi from shagz. That day, we decide to use the Kericho route for the views etc. So we make a stop in Kericho at some mall and go to eat at some restaurant. Immediately we get in, Steve jolts out of our table and goes away. Then he comes back with a guy in his hand and they're both very enthusiastic. Steve's like "this is my brother Sammy and my sister Elizabeth" the guys introduces himself and the whole time he's just like "Steve!!!!! So nice to see you here" So he tells us him and Steve are drinking buddies, and how this is the last place he thought he'd ever see Steve...in a pleasantly surprised way. Steve is also so happy that he's seen a guy from the hood in Kericho. This guy insists he'll buy us whatever we want, plus we have to try the pizza from there, even though we'll carry it as take-out. 

He tells Sam his life story, how he works for gava and all and if we ever need connections, he's the guy to call. He said that if Steve were to ever get married, he'd ensure Steve has police escort and an entourage etc haha. This guy was Steve's guy for real..... It was such a nice interaction, I was so happy for the pizza... and of course to know that there are people who value Steve's friendship. 

This just gets me thinking how he's actually a networking king. We can only stan. Maybe I should make a Jino Tamu tee and have him go places with it, then that's when I'll become a billionaire. No? :) Also, if you want a gava tender, just talk to Steve hehe.

Journal Entry (but a public one)

I've woken up well but I'm not in the mood today.

The morning has come too fast and my sleep has only come 3 hours ago, but I need to be awake. I have work to do and a baking class to teach. I'm in my late 20's and I'm feeling it, which basically means I'm feeling like I've under achieved, career wise, and my heart and chest are full of anxiety. Of course, today is the day I'll remember every embarrassing thing I've ever done or hurtful things I've ever done to others, which will make me feel even ten times worse. 

I need to get out of this funk because my class starts soon and I need to show up for my student. 

Today, I'm not a patient sister:

Before my student arrives, I will tell Steve in a very assertive tone "Steve, when Suzie* gets here, please don't come into the kitchen ovyo ovyo. Please give us space." 

When Suzie arrives, Steve will come in the kitchen ovyo ovyo and it will be evident that I'm not amused by this, so I'll keep saying "Steve, please excuse us". He will, but for all of five minutes, then he'll be back in the kitchen with his many stories. At one point, I'm talking to Suzie about sponge cakes and Steve runs to the sink and comes with a kitchen sponge, to show her an example of a sponge. Today, I'm not in the mood, so I tell him again, "Steve, please excuse us, I'll call you if we need you." 

Next week, when my mood will be much lighter, Steve will come in the kitchen and tell Suzie that she's a beautiful queen and this will make me laugh for a long time. Even as I'm writing this, it's making me smile. Because where did he learn how to compliment like that? Is he now hanging out with Rastafaris cause they're the ones who compliment like that. Them and some Black Americans. I'll be honest though, I'm not a fan of the queen word used as a compliment to me, but the compliment wasn't to me, it was to Suzie. She laughs and thanks Steve. 

I really like Suzie's personality. First, she's Gen Z. You guys know how I feel about most Gen Z's. I love them, because they're what I wasn't in my early 20's. I wasn't as confident, I wasn't as free in saying what was in my mind. I was always thinking about how what I'll say will affect others, even when it's got nothing to do with them. Just now, at 29, I'm still learning how to speak up in a Salon. Yesterday, I did it twice. I stammered the second time. I told her 'usishuke hizi za mbele' in short, don't grab my poor baby hairs when braiding. By the third time when I realized she still was getting something wrong, I lengad. A Gen Z would never, and I can only aspire. 

Apart from Suzie being Gen Z, she is also funny and honest, and she understands all my TikTok references. For instance, when I say "I'll keep my ting brief", do you guys understand what I'm talking about? Shourourt to you if you do, you can come to our next baking class. She's also very accommodative of Steve, Suzie i.e and that tugs at the strings of my heart in a major way. 

***

(I see Biko use those asterisks in his blogs so nimefanya ku copy lol) 

When I wrote the first paragraph, it was exactly three days before my monthly period. Dark times, dark thoughts. Now, many days later, I'm feeling positive again. Feeling like God is with me and He'll always help me navigate each stage of my life. So I'm a lot less anxious and looking forward to my 30's...

I've really missed you guys, hope you're all well :)

The lights are on and everyone's home

You're a 45 year old man and your wife of seven years, whom you share four children with, breaks up with you. You have a mental breakdown and let's give you a name, say Kanye West, your breakdown shall be televised...on social media...

During this phase in your life, you release a song with Xxxtentacion called "True Love". It's a melodious tune. A sort of dedication to your ex-wife and four children. In one of the lines to your children, you say "-I'm the- only neighbor in the hood with a door they can knock on, I leave the light on... daddy's not gone, I leave the light on, daddy's at home" 

That line is beautiful, but it also made me wonder how it perhaps could be, having to live in Kanye's house. I was like it must be quite adventurous, to say the least. Immediately, I remembered that I live in Nairobi and hey, in my mind it's not such a far off comparison. (Key word: in my mind) 

Here in Nai, the lights are seemingly always on, but also, quite literally. And everybody's home....and in your bedroom. That's how it feels a lot of the time. The only time it feels like the lights are dim are Sundays, from morning to around 6:00 pm and then between December 24th and 31st. (Shout out to any one born during that time period. i.e me, my girl Kinesh, Bien, John Legend na wanyama wooote hehe). At this time, the lights are dim, but never off. Not in Nairobi. 

Let me tell you, one of the biggest things that shocked me this year was learning that not everyone is a foodie. That the idea of food doesn't excite everyone. Not everyone goes to bed thinking hmm what should I have for lunch kesho, or while on a date, hmm, what am I going to eat? Anyhu, while still processing that shock, I also learnt that not everyone appreciates slow or moderate paced environments. There are people who absolutely thrive in say New York, the same as the people who thrive in the quickness of Nairobi. 

Here's the thing though, as at now, I'm not saying that I'm ready to move from this city. I appreciate a lot of the convenience here  and the grandiosity and the sometimes efficiency but other times, it's just a lot. It's everyday having to say "ni send money ama ni till number? Ooh paybill. Account number ni?" Or directing a boda guy or an Uber guy "kuja kwa hizi apartments za grey, Lenalita Kang, kuja house number F8" Without even leaving the house, you still experience how fast paced life is. But then again, I can't imagine living somewhere that doesn't have this level of convenience. 

Speaking of convenience, because many things happen here, the other day Harambee Stars had a friendly match against South Sudan at Kasarani stadium. (On maps, it's sijui Kasarani aqua sth or sijui Kasarani Safaricom sth. Like it brought almost 4 options and I was just like mehn, I'm just trying to get to Kasarani stadium, wacha hii maneno mingi) Reason I was going is because my cousin now plays for the team. Harambee Stars, not South Sudan hehe. Even though he's tall, like 6 foot plus tall. So we were going as a family to support and to feel proud, despite SSD winning. 

I know about football alright. I wouldn't say I know too much neither too little. I support Arsenal and watch a lot of their matches and know their manager, many players and the goal keeper (Ramsdale) I've forgotten the other one's name. Oopsie. So anyway when I got home, my pops was like how'd the game go, and what position does said cousin (Anyembe) play. I was like position? He's number 24. Are they not all either strikers or midfielders or goalkeepers? Apparently not. The whole time while watching the game, I'm just like "pass the ball to number 24". Even if say the guys huko mbele, akina Saka of Harambee Stars were about to score, in my head I was just like "pass the ____ ball to number 24". Logic left my head, I just wanted to see my cousin with the ball. 

Anyway, it was an alright game, nothing too exciting. We didn't win, but we try again next time. Which also got me thinking, I'd enjoy watching more matches live, especially if the team I'm supporting is winning, especially abroad where the stadiums have better infrastructure and err, exciting food. Can you imagine in Kasarani, the food being hawked was just peanuts, simsim, and soda, there was no water. No hotdogs, no fries and for someone like my girl Minah, imagine no smokie pasua. Hopefully with time for us foodies, they'll start serving exciting food and the infrastructure will continue to improve. Even on the pitch they'll put the carpet, they'll turn on the screens cause this time to know how many more minutes of the game was left, we were doing estimation. 

Anyhu, in this fast paced city, where the lights are always on, I hope you get chances to just chill. Next Harambee Stars game in Kenya si we go? 

Sometimes mafia bosses wear skirts and have thin eyebrows

"Afadhali ule mwenye anaomba kuliko ule mwenye anaiba. Naomba machungwa!" I don't know how that sounds to you guys, but to me it sounds more like a threat than a request. The sort of thing someone dangerous like a Mafia boss would initially say to you to make it seem like you have an option, but basically they're just letting you know who's in charge now. 

That's how I started my Monday morning last week and probably why I didn't post on the blog here. I was recovering from that threat lol. Okay, I lie. I didn't post because I was in Mombasa, I'd gone to see my two nephews. One spent most of his time sleeping and the other spent most of his time jumping on chairs hehe. One is 3 years old, the other is 3 weeks old. Guess who the jumper was and who the sleeper was. 

Before going to the Coast last week, I'd called a new cleaning lady, to come and wash clothes. (If you have a washing machine and a dryer and/or do your own laundry, you probably won't relate with the sometimes struggle of getting a 'good' cleaning lady to wash clothes. Good is in quotes because it's relative and specific to an individual. For example, for me, a good cleaning lady is one who comes early, is thorough, fast and doesn't have story mingi. 

Anyway, so this one I got, let's call her the mafia boss, came early, was fast but problem is that she had story mingi. So after finishing her work, I called her to the house to have some tea. Whole time, there were like 5 big oranges on the kitchen counter. It didn't even occur to me to offer her just simply because it didn't occur to me. I was in the kitchen frosting a cake so that's probably where I was concentrated on. So MB (mafia boss) looks me dead in the eye and then with a threatening tone, says "afadhali ule mwenye anaomba kuliko ule mwenye anaiba. Naomba machungwa." Guys, please read that with a tone that suggests an order. I froze a little. I wondered why there was mention of kuiba in the first place. In short, this is what I heard. "Hey, you over there frosting that cake. Look at me. I'm only going to tell you this once. Give me that orange. You're lucky I haven't stolen all five of them already. If you say no, I'll have my people come for your head and that cake of yours. And then we'll steal everything that belongs to you." 

Of course I gave her. Mama raised a coward haha. I'm joking. Mama raised a girl who takes time to process things. If she'd have said "naomba machungwa" we wouldn't even be talking about her. Needles to say, I will not be requesting MB for her services again. Also because she had story mingi which I don't want to get into because it will make this post have story mingi. Yesterday, there was a knock on the gate. Who was it, you guessed it. MB. I opened the gate peeping thing. She said "umepotea!" Haha then I said "ah ah, mi niko" Then she asked "hakuna job?" So I said "bado". She looked me dead in the eye "nimekuja juu simu yangu haifanyi na labda umekuwa ukinitafuta". Then I said "oooh. Sawa. Lakini nikikuneed, nitajua kwenye nitakupata. Asante" Then she closed the gate peeping thing. Still ensuring that she's the one in charge haha. Ain't no way I'll call her back. But please guys, help me pray over my safety. Sometimes, mafia bosses wear skirts and have thin eyebrows.

Please read these next paragraphs in a Ugandan accent. For no particular reason. Only because yesterday evening I chose to annoy my small brother by responding to him in that accent, but he kept 'ignoaring' me lol. No offense to Ugandans, but that accent cooks me. (That's how Gen Z's say something tickles them. They say ngl, that sh** cooks me.)

Anyway, it still felt nice to come back to Nairobi to clean clothes. One day, we'll talk about that dreaded feeling of coming back to Nairobi after some relaxed time away. It disappears after like three days. At least for me. Otherwise, have a lovely rest of the week. Hopefully, you don't encounter any mafia bosses. (Now you can release the Ugandan accent)