Mhandaji

 

I don’t think I’m the ideal housemate. I’m anal about a lot of stuff and in the mornings especially, I can be moody. Especially on a cold morning. Last week was a particularly bad one to be my housemate because; 1. It was cold and I have the tendency to be umm, what's the word for when you feel  depressed.ish when it's cold? and 2. I was on my period. 

This time round, my period took me out. When Tupac sang hit ‘em up, he  wasn't mincing his words. He was out for blood. Especially at the end when he goes incredibly explicit. Yeah, that was my period to me this time round. I could hear it say “ain’t one of you ni**as got sickle cell or something?” when I was just about to respond that actually it’s low iron, I heard it say to me, very loudly, “well f’ you” and out I was. This time, it won. My period 10 Lizzie 0.

 

So needless to say, I was sad and tired and moody last week. I was a poor housemate. I only left my room to do the very necessary chores and I gave those chores the bare minimum effort. That includes with the conversations I engaged in around the house. However, even when the weather is beautiful and African (sunny) and I’m not on my period, I’m still not the ideal housemate.

I’m what my small bother would call, a mhandaji. I handa guys in this house. And I handa them for a number of reasons. I want us to analyze them together, you guys can tell me whether I'm being unreasonable or you're sighing in relief that we aren't housemates.

 

1.     1. Walking inside the house with shoes that you’re from wearing outside, even if you vigorously wipe them on the entrance mat.

 

2.      2. Leaving left-over food on a plate on the sink or leftover liquid say tea, in a cup on the sink.

 

 

3.      3. Leaving a teabag in a cup in the sink.

 

4.      4. Leaving a serviette or bones on a plate on the sink

 

5.      5. Leaving the door of the room I’m in open. I like closed doors. Even in the kitchen.

 

6.      6. ‘Unguzaing’ / burning food that you’re cooking for everyone.

 

7.     7.  Making a mess in the kitchen or bathroom and not cleaning up after oneself (only applies to Steve)

 

8.      8. Leaving dirty socks in the crevices of the couch.

 

9.    9.  Leaving shoes in the middle of an entrance to a room or the house. Previously I used to kick them away but I went for therapy and now gently put them on the side

10.  Hoarding many dirty dishes in one’s room then when you're looking for a bowl or side -plate, you can't find

So these are just a few of the things I handana for. And when I'm complaining about these, my tone is harsh. Which means I'm not the most popular person in that house. I understand that I also have my fair share of flaws or things that annoy people of the household. Here’s some of the annoying things I do; 

 

1.      1. Can wake up Moody Awori which happens a lot.

 

2.      2. Play my music loudly especially when getting ready

 

3.      3. Have a favorite cup, plate, bowl and glass that I expect nobody else to use. I bought them for me.

 

4.      4. Use the blender, hand mixer and stand mixer a lot, all are very loud.

 

5.      5. Talk very loudly especially if I’m in a good mood.

 

6.      6. Talk and laugh very loudly on phone especially when talking to my girls and a story is very funny or juicy.

 

7.      7. Handa people for the reasons aforementioned

 

8.      8. Open doors with a lot of vigour, aka fujo.

 

9.     9.  Kumbe sometimes my open hair sheds when I comb it then I don’t catch every strand as I clean up. Oopsie.

 

110. I can't figure out the 10th one. I'm almost perfect hehe.

 

 

Anyhow, as I’m approaching 30, I’m thinking a lot about moving out to a space of my own. There, the only person to handa is going to be me. And I won't feel like an a** about it. Plus I won't do things that annoy me lol. 

 

Are you the perfect housemate?

Also I'm just not ready for the July weather. I'm okay if global warming makes the sun stay this month and the next. 

Also, shout out to all my girls for being the sunshine in my life. Love y'all to death.