The bottle is still spinning but at a slower pace (part 1)

Undertaker rising in the ring!!! Did you guys watch wrestling while growing up? That was one of my favorite things to do with my brothers... There were usually times when undertaker would be taken down by his opponent, then he'd lay on the floor for a few seconds then all of a sudden, dramatically rise to sit. Epic scenes!!!! And scary if I'm being honest. I used to hope that I wouldn't find him lying under my bed. But no one was scarier than Cane, his brother especially when he had his mask on.... Anyway, all this to say, I'm baaaaaaaack! Undertaker style.

Gosh I've really missed expressing myself on here and engaging with y'all. Happy New Year guys. I hope it's started on a positive and optimistic note. And if not, I hope it gets better as the days go by...

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A couple of years back, I was scrolling through Bikozulu's blog and came across this in his comment section. Someone had asked him what he remembered about being 28 and this was his response. 

"28? Wow. I remember confusion, insecurities that came in waves and fear of time running out before I made something of my life. Generally, in your 20s you should stay in that rocky boat, it’s important that you weather that shit. Because it will be okay, eventually even though it doesn’t seem so then. So my 20s I was a spinning Coke bottle which finally stopped spinning in my early 30s and pointed towards my true north. " 

If that hasn't been the story of my entire 20's!!! Yo! That boat has been rooocky. So, after attending his Masterclass, I Whatsapped him that and told him how profound those words were. He told me I owe him a bottle and then I found out that his boti of preference is 7 thousand... Err..... 

Anyway, I turned 30 on exactly 29th December. Finally out of my 20s. My coke bottle is still spinning, but thankfully at a much slower pace. 

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Here are things I remember about my 20s

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Career/Purpose

I knew I wanted to be a journalist, tell stories to change the world etc. So when it was time to join Uni, I was sure that's what I was going to do, but my father said not on his watch, so I ended up doing Economics and that was the beginning of confusion in that area of my life. I think I've told this story before, of how I barely paid attention in class. Barely. At the end of my course, I knew for sure that I didn't want to be an Economist or practice Economic related things. I knew I didn't want to work in the top 5 audit companies, I knew I didn't want to work in government or the UN. Basically, I just knew all the things I didn't want to do. Unluckily, I still didn't know what I wanted to do. I'd given up on journalism, didn't want to go back to school. I was so over classes and the whole school routine.

Then I baked my graduation cake and from then on, I started selling cakes and cupcakes for money. I did that for a while and at that time, I was still a beginner, learning everything on YouTube so my skills were B for Basic. Needless to say, it wasn't bringing in good money, so I went ahead and got a job as a sales person. I did that for almost 2 years then I returned to baking. It's what I still knew plus I had the equipment... 

Since then, the learning curve has been steeper, I very slowly improved my skills while at the same time wondered why it wasn't bringing me so much joy. This is a story for another day, but in summary, now, 5 years later, is when I'm learning exactly what I enjoy baking and what sort of direction I'd like to steer/ pivot to when it comes to the business of it. So help me Oh God. 

Writing 

I vividly remember being called in the English teacher's office in class 8, with a few other classmates, to be told that our compositions are good and we should keep it up. In highschool, I enjoyed sending letters to people at home and in other schools. I didn't know it then, but that was story telling. In Uni, I started a blog but deleted it shortly after. I discovered candy crush for my mental health haha. (Anyone else still addicted to this? Because I still am. Shourourt to the creators) I still always enjoyed reading stories, especially those told in a raw and emotional manner or in a poetic way. Or just in a funny way. Then I discovered YouTube and got distracted from reading and writing. 

Last year but one, I applied for some WFH internship that needed a storyteller for marketing. They selected me and after 3 months paid me all of my $100. That time the exchange rate was 120/= for a dollar. Believe it or not, receiving that 12k re-ignited my passion for writing/story telling. So last year I took the writing Masterclass and knew for sure I wanted to get back to writing. Shourourt to my friend Bosi who encouraged me to publish my work publicly. Writing allows me to express myself creatively and many times, it feels cathartic. I'm still not sure of where exactly it's going to lead me. But I hope to write at least one book, Inshallah. And for now, I'm grateful that I re l-started this blog and share my thoughts/feeling. It sometimes feel vulnerable in a way I don't like or rather in a way I'm not used to, but it is what it is. In the next 70 years we all won't be here so really, it is what it is. 

Heartbreak ya kimataifa 

At around 23/24, I met this guy and the chemistry was off the chain. We connected on all levels. Our sense of humor was alike so many times, we started our phone calls just laughing. Shortly after, we were in a monogamous relationship. Life was good. I felt heard and accepted and was always motivated to be a better person. You know, just all the good things that come with a healthy relationship. We did this for almost 1 and a half years. We did have many many disagreements but we would get back on the same page or agree to disagree quickly. Then slowly, over time, my guy started to lose interest in me. He didn't really want to hang out, he was always tired, didn't really bother to ask me how my day was and that was the most heartbreaking period for me. As you may have guessed, he'd found another lady yet still hadn't let me go. I remember at this time, crying in a shuttle on my way to Kakamega. Oh my goodness. By the time I fikad Kaks, my eyes were so swollen and so red. My mum was like "oh no, what's wrong?" And because you know, in an African household you don't want to ever admit that heartbreak is twanging you, I lied to her, told her that I missed my late Uncle. I cried almost everyday since then for like 3 months. Anyway, we finally broke up, it was a painful and sometimes unsure process. 

Interestingly, I don't one bit regret that relationship. I learnt so much especially about the things I value most in a union. We had fun, a lot of it, especially in the mundane.

Ever since then, the end of consecutive relationships and/or situationships lol have sometimes been a bit sad, but not as heartbreaking as that one. I'm also never scared to let things go especially when they stop serving a healthy purpose. I'm happy to report I haven't cried in a shuttle since....

Fibroids 

In class 7, as we were alighting the bus to go for sport's day, a guy called Musau called me to the back of the bus and graciously told me that I'd stained my skirt. He then helped me tie my sweater around my waist and escorted me to the nearest lady teacher. Bless his heart. Since then, I always made sure that I didn't stain myself during my monthly period. I was extra careful and paranoid. Until 2019, when I just wouldn't seem to contain it. I remember the day Kipchoge won the INEOS 1:59 challenge vividly because I was at a wedding and Marathon runner was playing in the corridors as I headed to the toilet to clean myself. That's how I knew he'd won....

In 2020, during a girl's trip to Naivasha, it was days after my period but I was still experiencing stomach cramps. I folded myself on the whole journey there. I couldn't even enjoy my time during that stay because my tummy just wouldn't stop hurting. I remember my girls dancing to "Koroba" and me just watching them feeling pain. 

When I came back from that trip, that's when I discovered I had fibroids. But they weren't that big, so I could live with them and manage the symptoms and get on iron pills...  

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While in Mombasa last year during another girl's trip, a watchie lady at the entrance of the mall stopped me and asked me "weh madam, we mja mzito?" I knew she felt them (the fibroids) so to cut the long story short, I just told her "eeeeh" then she said "ah basi umefanya makosa, sifai kupitisha hii kidude" that metal detector thingy of theirs. I said "ooooh, oops" ..... 

Guys, you won't believe it, but I have to continue this story next week. I haven't written prose like this in a while and for now, naenda jinsi nilivyokuja, kisa na maana, nimeboeka, Gwaheri....

Part II coming next week....