Ati Where?

The only reason I'm still coming back as a female in my next life is cause I suck at directions. Someone with a less sense of direction is hard to imagine. (Well, I know just one other person in my circle of friends)

The expectation of knowing where places are and how to get to them is placed more on men than it is women. For example, in a wedding committee, I've never seen a female transport manager. If I came back male, this would be far too much responsibility for me to bear. Let's say I had to give directions on how to get to the reception venue from the church, the whole wedding party would end up in Kiambu Road instead of Limuru. All because of my poor instructions.

I'd be expected to be a provider, protector, know good car mechanics, then worse, be Google maps in person. Although now that I think about it, maybe having to deal with all car issues plus mechanics isn't the most fun. The plight of the boy child! I get it.

During peak Covid-days, I got caught by cops. I was driving to my destination past the 9:00p.m curfew. I thought I was on the road that had no cops. I was wrong. When they stopped me, it was a brief interaction.

"Madam, unafanya nini kwa barbara saa hii"

I put on my best damsel in distress performance 

"aki pole afande, gari yangu imekuwa na shida, na mechanic wa...."

"Sasa ntakuacha uende lakini chai ya 500/= ndio itafukuza hii baridi" 

PL51R6BOVX Confirmed. Ksh500.00 sent to ... To reverse, foward this message to 456.

I contemplated reversing that transaction. Then in the middle of that thought, I got caught. Again! At the entrance of Runda.

This time, these men in (ugly) blue gave me a harder time. After a lot of negotiations, they agreed that they were going to let me go. On condition though. First, they kidnapped (haha) my friend who was on the passenger seat. Then, I was supposed to go to the nearest Mpesa shop and withdraw their ransome. We were then to exchange my friend for the money. This sounded fair.

I drove off to the Mpesa shop alright. Coming back I had to use the back gate of Runda. This is where the confusion began. I put my maps on, but for the life of me, and my friend in captive, I just couldn't find my way back. I got so lost within that estate. Getting to dead ends every time. No kidding, this took almost half an hour.

My friend on the other end - whose phone was off - had concluded that I'd hepad them. Abandoned them. They'd accepted their fate. Spend the night in the mariamu and later in cell and start a new life as a police abductee. 

This called for an SOS. The only way I'm home now is cause of my other friends. I had to turn on my live location for them to leave their house past curfew, to come to my rescue. In the process, they also managed to pay for my/our friend's freedom. 

I can't imagine being the type of father who is always the one following other cars in a convoy. It would always be us being waited on in case the car in front went too fast. My kids would be so ashamed of me. Hazards would be a trigger for them. It would mean that the car in front of them has a dad/mum who knows directions better than their own. 

One day, my kids will have somewhere important to be, one of those school things. As their Dad, I'll be the one tasked to take them there. I'll turn on my maps and still take the wrong exit or the wrong ramp. The next place to make a U-turn will be somewhere in Vanga. So instead of driving back and getting lost again, we'll just have to start a new life there and survive on what the little ones packed for break. 

Vanga is a small town with a population of about 10,000 people. It is located at the farthest end of Southeast Kenya. It is known as Kenya's last town since the only place it neighbours is Tanzania and the Indian Ocean

I'd be ashamed as a dad, because I'll always see the disappointment in my babies eyes. I'll start to notice them get nervous whenever it's home time and we have to leave a party. They'll always want to leave with their Aunt Nimz because apart from barely needing maps when she's driving, she easily comes off the tightest parallel parkings.

Just over the weekend, someone was telling me about Kendu Bay, then about Mbita. In that moment, I felt grateful that I didn't have to know the topographical difference between those places.

On most Sundays, I join my friends to watch Formula 1 races at this dope place called Craic Grill. This is how my conversations with cab drivers or boda riders go

"Madam hii Craic Grill iko wapi?"

"Iko King'ara Road"

"King'ara Road wapi?" 

"Ata mi ni mara yangu ya kwanza kuenda, wacha tu tufuate maps"  

 

Even when I frequent a place it'll take me like thrice to figure out how to get there from one direction. Let's say I've only known how to get to Red Ginger in Parklands using the Parklands Police station route, it will take me almost another year for me to figure out how to get to there from say 2nd Parklands Avenue. Even with Maps on, it took me forever to properly know which exit to take, when leaving Thika Super Highway to get into town, then Uhuru Highway. I always used to take the one that leads to the globe flyover. Real tears guys. Sasa I had to ng'ang'ana with those Nissan matatus and endure that traffic. Sigh...

In my current life, as a 29 year old girl, the pressure of knowing everywhere is not so much on me. Of course I feel very frustrated when I add 30 minutes to my ETA. At least in groups of people especially where guys are included, I'll never be the one asked to lead a convoy. I still hide behind my friends who just check maps once, at the beginning of the journey only and they know which roads to use. What!?

As for me it still remains "Ati Where?"